The Chronicles of the Mentally Unstable
by Gaara's Desert Rose-Hasame
Summary: Continuation of Chronicles of an Insane Child. It had 270 chapters, I needed to create a new one so people weren't overwhelmed. Welcome to the second.....story...thing.
1. November 18th, 2008

November 18th, 2008 (1:01 am)

It's not like she had purposefully left.  
But she had, nevertheless.  
It had to be her longest absense yet.

Raising a pale hand, she counted the months. July. August. September. October. November. Five months. Five long months.

She stood twenty feet from the front door of the mansion, picking at the plastic ring of the bottle in her hands.  
Hasame, with hair a copperish red once again, but brushing the tops of her shoulders now, with blue eyes streaked with silver, not without bags under her eyes from irregular sleep patterns, with high cheek bones that curved inwards to a hollowed out look if she didn't eat for days on end, with the long slender fingers that would scale the piano with ease, who no longer bore the trademark black eyeliner heavy applied around her already sunken eyes, was as still as a statue, looking up at the top right window of the front of the familiar mansion she once called home. The same girl was wondering if she still could.

Things had happened. People left, people had come. Her attitude towards certain things had changed.  
Whom she could trust, whom she couldn't. Whom she could laugh about certain topics with, whom she couldn't.  
She learned how to talk to some people. Learned their ways of living.  
Learned how she treated her friends.

She had grown up in those short months. She found she was learning too much about her friends. More than she ever wanted to know. And it was ruining their image for her. She was seeing them in a different light, one that she wished she could turn off.  
She was growing tired of them. Something she hated herself infinitely for. For she was becoming exactly what she feared and hated.

She curled her toes inside her sneakers. Chewing the inside of her cheek to oblivion - and she didn't stop when she started to taste blood - , Hasame blinked hard, wriggling her cold nose in discomfort then took a few steps forward. About three to be exact.

A light flickered on in the dark room. A figure rose, and paced after a moment of contemplation.

A breeze picked up gently, rustling the still grains of sand on the ground.  
The person turned off the light again. However, the light for the room next to it went on.  
Hasame stopped chewing her cheek and stared, ignoring the few stray hairs sweeping into her face. She had learned to ignore it.

He was in her room.  
There he was, standing by her window, facing to where her desk was. Hoped it still was. Above her desk, she had put up drawings she had completed. Maybe there were still a pile of uncompleted ones on the top right hand corner of the desk.

Gaara turned to gaze out the window to his right. Resting his palms on the sill, he let out a heavy sigh that seemed to come straight from his toes.  
There were a few street lights glowing on the sandy roads in the village. The same as every night. Scanning it with tired, sleep-deprived yet restless eyes, he trailed slowly from one view of the horizon to the other, then came back down the middle, following the road that lead to the place in which he lived.  
But something was different about tonight.  
Something was.  
Quickly, he did a double take as to the road he had just looked down upon. Just beyond the reach of the nearest streetlight, he could see the silhouette of a person standing there, staring at the house. Or at him.  
Who in their right mind would be up at this ungodly hour, besides himself of course?  
He frowned. He knew of only one other person.  
The person took another few steps forward, and was bathed in the yellow glow of the light. Copper hair reflected under its beam.

He had a delayed reaction to what he was seeing.

".....Ah-." He cut himself off, seeing as saying what he wanted to aloud would be pointless.  
Backing up from the window in shock, he debated between keeping his eyes glued to the person and racing downstairs to the outside.  
Oh. Wait a minute.  
He shoved the window upwards and jumped out the window.

Hasame's heart stopped for a second in paralyzed fear, then remembered who she was dealing with and relaxed.  
Sand that was not possessed by the wind swirled around and quickly formed a platform, apparating beneath his feet and lead him gently down to the ground.

Suddenly, she realized she wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready to face any of them yet. Especially not him. But she couldn't leave now. There he was, walking tentatively towards her, as if not believing what he was seeing, and very likely that is what he was thinking. If she left now, she'd probably regret it for a very long time.

Looking around feverishly, she spotted a tiny plant, a flower, really, growing through the cracks of the dry land. She recognized it and froze before bending over to pick it. She forgot it's scientific name, latin or something, but remembered what she called it.  
Desert rose.

Raising those fierce bright eyes, those eyes he couldn't ever forget, those that had been burned into his retinas for all those weeks, those months, the ones he couldn't get off his mind no matter what he did, Gaara stopped at the edge of the circle of light. He saw what she had in her hand. And smiled.  
For the first time in a long time.

"I know it's a little unorthodox, seeing as it's usually the boy who gives the girl a flower, but what can I say? I'm unorthodox."  
She extended her hand and held the tiny flower delicately between her two fingers and her thumb. He could see the petals trembling.

"Hasame..."  
What could he say? Where were you? What took you so long? Why the hell didn't you come back earlier? How come you look different but still look the exact same as when you disappered? Could he just yell blindly at her, let her know how angry, how mad, how furious, how pissed off he was at her, to just rage until he was drained completely? Or could he just let that strange overwhelming feeling wash over him, the one that came over Hasame days before she left, surrendered to tears and utter sadness?

She put her arm down and the look that came over her face was like a punch in the gut for him.

"Gaara- I'm....I just..."

She couldn't get the words out. The words hovered above them, both knowing what it is, but neither admitting it. _I'm sorry_.

A hand took hers gently, and pried the flower from her cold fingers. She watched him admire it for a moment, then, never taking his eyes off the pink, white and red flower, tucked it in the long tresses, running his fingers through the curious feel of her red hair.

_I missed you._

November 18th, 2008

She had gone home right after that night. She still felt awkward in the house.

Not something she ever thought she'd feel. He didn't insist she stay. He just seemed to know...Or possibly could feel the uncomfortableness radiating from her.

But she came back soon after sunset.  
Hasame didn't want Temari and Kankurou to know she was back. She didn't exactly leave on a good note. She wanted to just...slowly, ease into their lives.  
Gaara would stand in her bedroom window, waiting for her to appear just out of reach of the streetlamp's ray of light in the dark street. And when she did, he grinned, and did the same thing as the night before.

She was quieter. More serious maybe. There was this gentle sort of smile on her face, and it never faltered. It didn't disappear while they walked and talked, it didn't grow either. She talked when spoken to, and she didn't go into incredible detail, something she was notorious for, about anything.  
She told about how she met someone, her feelings about her, her worries about her, how they got together, (She then chuckled lightly at something. "What is it?" Gaara asked, looking at her as she shook her head. "I just remember something she said. She had asked me 'Are we exclusive?' and I answered yes right away with great enthusiasm, but then I asked 'What does exclusive mean?'") and her worries again at that.  
It was quiet again as they scuffled along through the winding streets. She was fiddling with her fingernails, picking at them absentmindedly. He glanced at her briefly, but then saw the smile was gone. Completely.  
"What's wrong?" He asked, wondering if he should stop walking, but she didn't, so he continued in pace with her. She did not answer at first. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her hair. God it had gotten long. It was still shaggy and uneven, but it looked well brushed, and it just touched her shoulders in some places. This must have been the longest he had ever seen it since he knew her. The radiant colour from it just seemed to give off its own light in the night.

"Do you......Remember...." She started quietly, almost murmuring, "What...we decided. A few nights before I..." He saw her mouthe the word 'left', but he didn't manage to hear it, the wind had swept away her voice before it reached his ears. He nodded, not taking his eyes off her.

"I said to not let anyone get close to you. Ever again." He said at the same level of quietness she spoke with. He remembered it quite clearly. She nodded, and didn't speak again. Gaara didn't know how to react. She had. But...  
"I want to trust her." She said abruptly. He looked at her again. "I want to...She's different....But how many times have I said that?" She muttered, chewing on her lip, "I've told her about my trust issues...I told her about how I made that promise (and promptly broke it, it seems)...I told her about Rita, and told her about my worries and fears. About people leaving me. But knowing the cause, I think."  
"You think?"  
Hasame's silver-blue eyes flickered around the area, as if she was looking for something, then laid eyes on Gaara's pale face in the yellowing street light. Her eyes softened.

"Yeah. I think people leave me because I don't trust them more than I should. It's the only logical explanation I have. Just thought of it today in religion class." She gave a little shake of her head and looked in front of her again, walking in a way he hadn't noticed before. Quite the opposite of the way she would walk normally. Smooth, fluid steps instead of sturdy and stomping steps. (stomping, yes, but he almost could never hear her walking down the halls). "I know that humans need to have trust in order to get along in life, and if I do not trust someone completely, they will feel the need to search for someone else who will trust them." She fiddled with her nails again, staring into space, "She's never given me a reason _not_ to trust her. Only reasons to."

They didn't speak for a very long time. Gaara was staring at the moon in mild interest. It was so bright this night.  
Quiet humming sounded next to him. He blinked and looked around to Hasame. Her eyes glazed over, her face impassive, she was humming a song to herself, a song he hadn't heard before.  
"What's that?" He asked, lifting a chin at her to indicate the humming. She raised her eyebrows a tiny bit at him, and gave a short smile.

"_Memories, sharp as daggers  
Pierce into the flesh of today  
Suicide of love take away all that matters_

_And buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart_

_With the venomous kiss you gave me, I'm killing loneliness  
With the warmth of your arms, you saved me  
Oh I'm killing loneliness with you  
Killing loneliness that tears my heart into two  
I'm killing loneliness."_

He watched her sing softly, all what power she had slowly been gaining over the months previous, disappeared.  
She stopped after the chorus, seeming as if she didn't want to continue. The corner of her mouth twitched, and she slide her tongue over the dried lips discreetly.

"That song I discovered a few hours before Oliver died." The teenager said just above a whisper, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans. Gaara stopped walking and looked at the ground at his feet. Hasame did too, a few paces ahead of him.

"Hasame."  
She turned around to look at him with a face that was indescribable. He continued to stare at the dirt for a moment then raised his head to gaze at her.  
"Come back home. Please?"  
She blinked in confusion at him, then turned around on the spot to see the mansion looming over them. Hasame was surprised she hadn't noticed it. It looked bigger than she ever remembered.  
Sensing something behind her, she twisted back to see Gaara holding out a hand, staring expectantly, almost pleadingly at her. Pleadingly? That wasn't like him. His hand trembled ever so slightly, just like hers had the night before.  
Giving another tiny smile, she took it and lead him towards the Kazekage mansion.

_Waking up to see that everything is okay  
The first time in my life and now it's so great_

Hasame passed over the threshold of the front entrance, now allowing Gaara to lead her around.

_  
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazing  
I think about the little things that make life great_

"Where're we going?" She asked, and he shot her a glance, then gently gave a tug on her hand, indicating she trust him to walk her to their destination.

_  
I wouldn't change a thing about it  
This is the best feeling  
_

First, there was the kitchen. It looked the same as always. Hasame stared around, drinking in the familiar smell of the cooking space. Before Gaara lead her back out, she spotted the lightswitch. It was clean, no blood smear.

_  
This innocence is brillant, I hope that it would stay  
This moment is perfect, please don't go away_

They rounded about to the living room, and she remembered the evenings when they watched 24 on those hot July nights. Where they had tricked Temari into thinking they were an item. She gave a light laugh, and Gaara looked at her contently.

_  
I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it  
Don't you let it pass you by_

"Re-remember when, I made that big domino pattern?" Hasame laughed to herself quietly, looking at the long stretch of carpet. Gaara nodded, giving a crooked sort of smile at the memory. "You weren't very happy that I was still wrapped up in your black sheet."

_I found a place so safe not a single tear  
The first time in my life and now it's so clear_

"And the one time where you were freaking over 24. Even though you could very easily rewind it as you had it on disk." Gaara grinned slightly, and Hasame nodded.

_  
Feel calm I belong I'm so happy here  
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere_

"Heh...The mouse." Muttered Hasame, and shot him a grin. Gaara felt his skin prickle at the memory.

_  
I wouldn't change a thing about it  
This is the best feeling  
_

He took her hand again, a bit more firmly this time, and pulled her in front of him, nudging her up the stairs.

_  
This innocence is brillant, I hope that it would stay  
This moment is perfect, please don't go away_

They passed the bathroom. Hasame recalled the many nights where she had terrible bouts of the flu or the common cold. How Gaara always managed to find her and come to her aid when she was so stubborn about not needing help, but would succumb to his helping hands.

_  
I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it  
Don't you let it pass you by_

She saw into Gaara's bedroom briefly. Remembering all the nights she would spend there, having to use his clothes sometimes, or sneaking in there to jolt him awake in the dead of night. Then there were times where she intented on talking to him, but ended up falling asleep, and somehow ended up in her own room, or would stay there.

_It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming  
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling_

"Close your eyes." Came his voice behind her ear, and she obliged. There was the sound of sliding bamboo wood door, the crackling of rice paper and the quiet footsteps of their own feet on the wooden floor. She had the urge to stick her arms out in front of her as not to bump into anything, but she trusted that he would not allow her to.

_  
It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry  
_

"Now open them."

_  
It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry_

Everything. It was still there. Everything was in it's place. Hasame felt the wave of nostalgia hit her like a monsoon.  
The bed, the dresser, the drawings on the walls, the drawing table, and even her pile of dirty laundry. The clothing strewn out of the dresser drawers, her old text books from the year previous in school were stacked by the door. Something tugged on her heart, and her throat tightened up.  
Gaara gently squeezed her hand and let it go slowly, taking a step back from her to give some room. Room to soak up the memories.

_This innocence is brillant, it makes you want to cry  
This innocence is brillant, please don't go away  
_

She took a few tentative steps to her bed, reaching out with shaking fingers. Touching the edge of the blanket, she kneeled forward onto the mattress, and sat down, bringing the sheets to her face and inhaled deeply. It smelled...Like home. She buried her face in the sheets for she felt tears welling up against her will.

_  
'Cause I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it  
Don't you let it pass you by_

It smelled like something else. She recognized it instantly. Lifting her head to reveal tears streaming down her cheeks to look at him. He looked worried for a moment, but when he saw the smile of pure bliss on her face, he relaxed.

_This innocence is brillant, it's so beautiful  
This moment is perfect, please don't go away_

"You slept here, didn't you?" She asked, choking back a sob building up in her thoat. The shuffling of his feet was all the answer she needed. Quickly, she hopped off the bed and had wrapped her arms around him, still gripping the sheets in her fists, hugging him tightly. He didn't even bother to hesitate at the contact.

_I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it_

"God I missed it here." Hasame said.

_Don't you let it pass you by_


	2. November 19th, 2008

November 19th, 2008 (12:01 am)

"So you take belly dancing now?"  
"Mmhm. It's apparently just as physically demanding as, per say, training. Just in a different manner."  
"Really? Seems kind of implausible."  
"That's what I thought, but not after my first class, oh boy."  
Hasame snorted through her nose as she sipped her tea, wrapped up in the black sheets on her bed. Gaara was beside her, drinking the same hot substance, sharing the sheet.

After Hasame had gotten a hold of herself, which had taken a bit of time, she insisted they get some tea and make it in her bedroom. Not only that, but they changed into their pajamas, she lit an incredible amount of different insence sticks and a fair number of candles, and turned off all the lights. The room glowed and tendrils of smoke rose and spiraled in mesmerizing patterns.  
Music played out of the ipod speakers, but so gently you could barely hear it unless you stopped talking. But Hasame and Gaara did nothing but talking.  
"You have to show me sometime." Gaara said, peering at her from the corner of his eyes, taking another gulp from the ceramic mug. Hasame quirked a curious eyebrow at him.  
"What do you mean? Show you what the class is like?" He shook his head.

"Show me a dance or something."  
At that point, Hasame clamped her mouth shut and stared into her tea, swirling it around absentmindedly. It would have been a curious move for her, but she had turned a pinkish colour, judging by the candle light. Gaara grinned into his tea.  
"I-...I don't have a belt yet, but I want one!" She stammered, "And...It..Doesn't seem _nearly_ as impressive if I don't have a belt. Belly dancing. That is."

"You're speaking in short sentances, Hasame." He pointed out and she shot him a glower that wasn't as powerful as she had hoped.

"Ah well..When you get one. I get dibs on front row seats." He joked with a straight face, half meaning it. She just smiled.  
There was a song that played through the speakers that caught Gaara's attention. The guitar was jumpy and upbeat. He could almost feel the beating of the drums in rhythm with his heart.

_I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world  
But it's feeling just like every other morning before  
Now wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone_

_The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I  
Started staring at the passengers waving goodbye  
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time_

_But I believe the world is burning to the ground  
Oh well, I guess, we're gunna find out  
Let's see how far we've come  
Let's see how far we've come_

_  
Well I believe it all is coming to an end  
Oh well, I guess, we're gunna pretend  
Let's see how far we've come  
Let's see how far we've come_

"You like it?" Hasame said, tapping her fingers on her knee, bobbing her head a bit in time with the music, taking a sip from her tea. He nodded, finding it was quite a good beat. The lyrics we're very intriguing as well.

_I think it turns in the clock  
But I don't really know  
I cant remember caring for an hour or so  
Started crying and I couldn't stop myself  
I started running but there's no where to run to  
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself, said  
Where you going, man, you know the world is heading for hell  
Say your good byes if you got someone you can say good bye to_

_But I believe the world is burning to the ground  
Oh well, I guess, we're gunna find out  
Let's see how far we've come, right now  
Let's see how far we've come_

_  
Well I believe it all is coming to an end  
Oh well, I guess, we're gunna pretend  
Let's see how far we've come  
Let's see how far we've come_

The rest of the song droned on as Hasame explained anything that came to mind.  
Now this, this was the Hasame he knew.

(9:55pm)

Gaara leaned on the window frame of Hasame's bedroom, the gentle breeze of the wind rustling his hair ever so slightly.  
Hasame told him to wait here. She still wasn't all that comfortable entering the house after such a long absence.  
He kind of wished she could feel at home here.  
Looking around the room, he knew he couldn't change anything here.  
Sighing, he turned back to the window and spotted her, waving with her hand in little arcs. Eventually, she'd feel comfortable, and he would just have to wait.


	3. November 22nd, 2008

November 22, 2008

Hasame blinked sleepily, trudging through the sandy dirt alongside Gaara. It had been 5 days since she had arrived finally, and only twice had she stepped foot inside the house. Gaara really hoped she could feel comfortable enough to come in and be able to move about like it was her own home. Which he very well believed it was.

She looked so exhausted, walking like a zombie beside him.

If only he could tell her how different the house hold was without her all those months.

_Three months earlier_

He stared out the window, quill in hand but hovering above the parchment. Slowly, he put it down beside the scroll and continued to stare aimlessly out the window. It didn't seem that important all of a sudden.

It was a beautiful sunset, but weren't all sunsets beautiful? They always looked perfect, impeccable, flawless. His office was flooded with the bright orange rays, bathing him in its rich, gorgeous hue.

Gaara got up from his desk, slowly putting away his work with precise movements. Taking his time. He wasn't looking forward to going home, but he couldn't stay in the office one moment longer.

It was too lonely.

Trudging towards the front door, Gaara let himself in and slipped off his sandals. He could hear the clanking and banging of pots and pans in the kitchen, mixed with the sizzling of food and chopping of knives against cutting boards. He sighed and stared at the extra work he brought home with him. Anything to keep his mind busy. Occupied.  
Anything to keep it from wandering.

Kankurou sat at the table, playing with a pork bun but wasn't eating it with gusto as he usually did. Gaara sat down across from him, nodding in greeting. Kankurou responded with a small wave of his hand.

It was so silent in the house, albeit the kitchen noises.

"Oh, Gaara, I didn't hear you come in." Temari piped up, glancing into the dinning room. He didn't say anything to her. "Dinner is ready, you were right on time."

She brought out the curry and vegetables, then passed around the large bowl of steamed rice. "I tried a new recipe for the curry. Now, I know it's not really appetizing-"

"Temari, this looks like vomit..."

"Shut up Kankurou."

"It's blueish."

"Yes I know, but it tastes fine! Now eat it or no food at all."  
Gaara tried to eat. He really did. It wasn't the unappealing meal, or even the arguing of his siblings (which wasn't as winded as they used to be) but he just wasn't in the mood for food.  
"I'm going to bed." He said quietly, getting up from the table and taking his work with him. Temari stared after him sadly, Kankurou eating solely the rice, not looking away from it.

"I can make something else, Gaara." The eldest called after him, but he had already gone.

It was useless. Utterly. This house, his brother and sister, himself. They just weren't as...as...vibrant.  
Everything was dull. Everything was silent.

Work. Every day routine. Droning of endless duties. It kept him from thinking. It was all easy, so he just did it. Continued, in a circle for how many months now?

He didn't want anything out of the ordinary to happen. It would disrupt the flow of the days. The endless...minutes in an hour. The hours in a day. The days in a week, and the weeks in a month.

He hadn't eaten a proper meal in all that time. It had taken him a few weeks to realize Hasame still hadn't visited. By the end of the second month, he had stopped waiting impatiently.

Sitting on his bed, he buried his head in his hand, blinking his watery eyes, heavy with exhaustion. Mental exhaustion was the worst. He couldn't sleep in this room.

Getting up, he walked over to his dresser and pulled out a black t-shirt and cotton pants.

He stayed in his room for another three hours, trying to get work done but he hadn't completed a single thing. Temari had come by to say goodnight through his closed door. Kankurou knew better than to disturb him and went right to bed.

He waited, and waited.  
Finally, he slid off his bed and quietly exited his room, reaching down the hallway to the only bedroom that was beside him.

Slowly opening the sliding door, he entered the room, silently closing it shut.  
In the dark, with a moon that was clouded so no light could be shown, Gaara sat on the bed. He sat there, immobile, for at least an hour it seemed.

Feeling the painful exhaustion descend upon him again, Gaara got under the covers and buried his face in the pillow, sighing heavily.

When was she going to come back?

_Present  
_

"Hasame?"  
She looked at him with glazed over eyes.

"Come sleep in your room. Please?"  
She looked at him blankly. She _was_ tired...  
"It's your room. It's still your's. And nothing can change that."  
The girl rubbed her eyes that were watering with exhaustion. Her face tighened in frustration.

"I-....I don't know-"

"Come on. There's no point in going back to Canada tonight. Your bedroom is just there," He pointed straight above them, and Hasame blinked in surprise that she hadn't noticed they were back home from their walk, "and it's warm."

She stared with a furrowed brow, sighed and rubbed her eyes again.

"Okay okay, fine..." She mumbled, pressing her hands under her arms, looking at the front door with anxiety. Gaara relaxed a bit at finally being able to convince her.


	4. December 25th, 2008 Merry Yule Xmas

December 25th, 2008

He sat on the couch looking at the wrapping paper and tissue and ribbons scattered over the floor, Temari thanking Kankurou for the gift (a new kimono) and Kankurou being extremely embarrassed by the enthusiastic hug from his sister.  
Gaara looked briefly over at his gifts (a couple of new clothes, a new pair of sandals, some ink wells and quils, and some interesting books) then glanced out the window.  
It was a bit weird, but they opened gifts in the evening, not the morning. They did the stockings in the morning, had breakfast, did their stuff around the house, went out and wished good tidings on the villagers, Gaara had to go to the office to check that everything was fine and running well, then they were invited by the mother of whom him and Hasame babysat one night for dinner.  
It made his insides ache, but not because of eating too much.  
They went home and Kankurou practically begged Temari to opened gifts. He couldn't help but love this time of year so much he was almost reduced to a child again.

No one minded. They all felt the eagerness of gift giving. Gaara, not so much.  
He couldn't help it.  
She had just come back so recently. Where did she go?  
It had been over a month now.

Gaara looked over at the small spruce tree they managed to uproot near the house from the dry land. Beneath it, in the back so it was concealed by the branches, was a small wrapped present. He had made it for her.  
He looked among the gifts he had and reached over to pick up one. A familiar looking bear with many poor stitches and bad stuffing. It had been in worse condition.  
But it was Hasame's gift to him. She had repaired his ratty old bear.  
Temari looked around with a wide smile on her face to her youngest brother and spotted the bear.  
"What's that, Gaara?"  
He looked up in surprise. Following her gaze, he looked back at his bear.  
"Hasame....She fixed it for me for....this."  
Kankurou looked up suddenly. Temari's face went impassive and blank.  
"Hasame....Hadn't heard that name in a while."  
There was silence as Gaara looked and inspected the bear, trying to give himself something to do besides just stare blankly at it.

"I wonder what she's been up to...." Kankurou mumbled.  
Gaara couldn't tell them he had seen her recently. Before August. She had made him promise not to say. She wasn't ready yet to face them, she said. And he had to respect that.

The grandfather clock in the front hall struck midnight, and Temari and Kankurou sighed.

"We'd better head to bed." She said, getting to her feet, "We can clean this up tomorrow mor-"

"I'll do it. I'm not tired." Gaara said suddenly, and they looked at him. Temari nodded and Kankurou left the room muttering a good night to his brother, Temari following suit.

He sat there for a long time.

He just....Couldn't bring himself to move from the couch.  
Maybe she just...hadn't had the time to visit. Maybe she had been gift shopping and just couldn't find the time. Maybe she lost the bottle. There were too many maybe's.  
Gaara sighed and put his face to the bear. Inhaling for a few moments, he laid down on the couch with the bear on his stomach. He stared at it for a while. So long, he could see it start to go blurry.  
He lied, he was tired. Exhausted. Absolutely drained.  
He fought to keep his eyes open, but failed, and slowly drifted off into much needed sleep.

The room was dark, only lit by the crescent moon outside. He dreamt about the snow. It's perfect, flawless, light white drifting down over wherever he was. He couldn't really recognize it, but remembered it from somewhere.  
Oh. It was Hasame's back yard.  
Now he remembered.  
It had been in the november. Where she laid down in the numbing cold blanket of snow, and cried for the loss of her friendship.

He could even hear the same music. It was so perfect for the snow.  
Suddenly, he saw a flash of orange hair dash over the white. He rushed to the railing, even though the backyard wasn't that big, he squinted in the dark to see where it had gone. Leaning too far over the wooden railing, it snapped and he tumbled forward into the freezing snow, flat on his back. But it didn't feel so cold. In fact, it was comforting and soft, like downy.  
Above him, were millions and millions of tiny sparkling stars, snowflakes dancing down around his face and landing in his hair and on his skin. Looking at the back of his hand, he saw the unique shapes of each snowflake. They didn't melt on his skin. The night sky was stretched so far, it was as if there was nothing else in the world besides her back yard. He suddenly remembered looking for the orange flash, but he didn't have to.  
He heard the muffled footsteps, so quiet they were he almost missed them. Kneeling beside him and peering above him was a familiar gentle face he hadn't seen in so long, it seemed.  
Hasame looked down at him with saddened eyes, but she was smiling. She seemed to be saying something, but he couldn't hear, the snow around his ears was muffling his hearing.  
All he could catch was 'Hi there.'

He didn't know how to reply, so he didn't and just looked at her face, her so perfect face. He felt so drowsy and drunken. A slight frown wrinkled her foreheard as if she was worried, and she gently touched the skin near his hairline, brushing away baby fine hairs of red.  
"Hey Gaara, you there?"  
Of course he was here, couldn't she see him? He tilted his head toward her slightly, just to be able to see her better. She sighed and gave another sad smile.

"Sorry, I'll let you be."  
His mouth was dry as he watched her start to get up, but he reached out and grabbed her hand. He could actually feel her skin.  
She looked down at him with a surprised look.  
"Oh, you're awake?"

He blinked, and the snow faded away, and it was replaced with his living room, bear gripped in his other hand. He was laying on the couch, and he looked at his hand.  
Another hand was in it. Hasame's hand.  
He looked up to see her looking at him, kneeling down by the couch.  
Blinking hard, Gaara rubbed his eyes and squinted at her. She really was there.

"Hasame...?"  
She laughed lightly and nodded, assuring him she was there, and put a hand over his holding her own so it was sandwhiched between the warm skin. Warm. She was warm. That was rare.

"Hasame, you're here?" He sat up and almost didn't believe it.  
"Yeah, I'm here." She smiled, and her eyes sparkled with tears. "Gaara, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry-"  
She was envelopped in his arms, gripped tightly. Sitting stunned for a moment, she shivered and hugged back, feeling herself tear up.

"I don't want to leave again, I'm so sorry..." She repeated in a cracked voice, and was silence when hands ran through her hair. She tightened her grip and buried her face in his shoulder, not wanting to leave the arms of her beloved friend. She didn't want to let go, and she didn't want to have to leave ever again.  
If she ever did, it would have been because she had died.

Happy Yule everyone, happy christmas, kwanzaa, hanukkah and any other religious holiday.


	5. December 28th 2008

December 28th, 2008 (3:43am)

Hasame sat up in her bed for the third time that night, staring idly at the wall. She couldn't sleep. Again. The same thing happened the night before. She had been up till after 5 am before finally drifting off and waking up at almost noon.  
She rolled her head on her shoulders, arching her back so her spine cracked in five different places. Letting out a groan, she flopped forward over her crossed legs beneath her blankets.  
She didn't know what to do.

Hasame rolled out of bed. Her bare feet pattered across the hard wood floor, the sliding door squeaking slightly as she opened it. Maybe he was still up.  
Tip-toeing to his bedroom door, she peered in through the crack of the door. It looked like no one was in there. Frowning in confusion, Hasame rocked on her heels in contemplation.  
There was a creak in the stairs behind her, and she whirled around, eyes wide in surprise.  
Gaara was staring at her with a glass of water in his hand, his mouth twitching after some silence. Cocking a non existant eyebrow at her, he walked up the last three steps before standing near her.  
He handed her the glass of water silently, before giving a slight chuckle.  
"Still can't sleep?" Hasame sighed and shook her head, sipping the cool liquid. She leaned on the wall between the two bedroom doors and looked over at her friend.  
"I don't know why it is. But I just..." She shrugged, "Can't."  
Gaara nodded and patted her shoulder, sliding the door open to his room.

"Give it a while. You'll end up sleeping for hours and hours at some given point."  
Hasame rolled her eyes and smiled, taking another swig of the water.  
"Alright. I'll try again."


	6. December 31st 2008

December 31st, 2008 (12:11am)

She felt cold.  
Not because of the weather outside her bedroom window.  
Her feet were frozen, and her fingers, numb. They were stinging slightly.

Hasame stared with glazed over eyes at the blanket around her.  
It was dark in her room, except for the yellowing light outside from the street lamp across the road. She didn't wince when a sharp pain entered her skull, then another. A headache.

She didn't want to move. She didn't want to get warmer by snuggling under the covers and closing her eyes to sleep. In fact....She just didn't want to feel.  
The girl didn't know what to think. So she didn't. It was a lot easier than she thought.

Under her palm of her right hand, lay a printed out email. She almost couldn't bare to read the tiny lettering again. For she felt so...

From: ******  
To: Hasame  
December 30, 2008 4:52:11 pm

Hey,  
I am SOO sorry about today, and yesterday for that matter. I know it is very unfair for you to be down here and then I'm not allowed to see you but that's parents, and luck it seems. I was out getting my health card and then a friend decided today was the day she absolutely needed my help for this project we're doing in class and came to my door for me. :( This whole situation has gotten me thinking, we have a long distance relationship that our parents aren't totally okay with (I know, all four are trying but you know what I mean). Plus, I've been thinking lately that I'm not too sure if I could ever have sex with a girl. You're gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but men aren't exactly half bad either. And while I'm not sure it just adds another element to our relationship that is not fair to you. And the guilt has been driving me crazy, because I really care about you and don't want you to be upset or suffer but it seems like that's all our relationship has caused you to do. So I'm at a bit of a crossroads and I think that I need to figure myself out and we either need to live closer or not have parents over our (really my) shoulder before we continue dating...But maybe it's just that I am very upset over our situation.

Please believe me when I say I love you.

******

She didn't know how to act.  
This wasn't the same as her just wanting to be friends, her saying she didn't feel the same anymore.  
It was something totally different.  
The only thing running through Hasame's mind at that moment was that She had promised her. She promised not to hurt her.

She couldn't even cry.

In her other hand, she held a tiny box. It had been wrapped in green tissue paper, stuffed inside a small stocking.

Hasame looked down at it after what seemed forever, and flipped it open with her thumb, staring at it's contents.

A silver ring with tiny diamonds around it glimmered in the dull light.  
It was supposed to be her christmas present.  
Hasame was going to give it to her this day.

It was supposed to represent that Hasame was going to decide to just trust her. To let go of the past that always surrounded her, to let the other girl know that she would no longer worry about truth.

She had always worried. Just always. She couldn't help it. And she felt like she was being a baby by whining about it all the time.  
So to show her that she really was going to trust her with everything she had, she was planning on giving the ring to her.

And now....  
It sat in the velvet creases of the box, untouched.  
And most likely forever to be.

Hasame got up stiffly, taking careful, slow steps over the pile of dirty clothes to a small tower of drawers. It was old. The wood was badly painted and was peeling. It had four small drawers. Taking the handle of the top one, Hasame pulled it open. It was empty.  
She gently placed the ring box in the drawer, then closed it shut.  
And put the drawer tower back in her closet that was almost never opened.

Hasame wasn't going to tell anyone of this.  
Of yet another....Another what?  
She wasn't a mistake.  
She had been a great thing, a wonderful being in her life.  
Of yet another...hurt. Another broken promise.

She returned to her bed and sat silently, mutely.

This all suddenly reminded her of a story she read.  
And a song came...  
_Oh my darling, oh my darling, _

_oh my darling Clementine  
You are gone and lost forever, _

_dreadful sorry, Clementine_


	7. Dec 31st Jan 1st New years special

December 31st/January 1st, 2008/09 (12:53pm)

They stood near the television, the entire living room and kitchen area filled with people, mostly villagers from Suna and a few close friends of Konoha.

There was a deafening chatter, roaring of laughter as the legal villagers drank and the minors were sated with soda and non-alcoholic versions of beverages. Temari chatted with Shikamaru, always within arms reach of him; Kankurou was stuck with a bunch of the elderly villagers, too polite to just walk away as they would always suddenly start talking to him; and Gaara was standing idly by the doorway, keeping soem distance between himself and the others.

Hasame had been coming in for short periods of time between christmas day and the day before yesterday. She didn't come yesterday. He was only hoping she'd show up before it was midnight.

It didn't give her much time.

He swiveled around his milk tea (he didn't like carbonated drinks) in silence, letting out a sigh. Gaara stared into it's contents, seeing his reflection slightly in the clouded liquid.

"Where's Gaara?"  
"Oh, over there, by the door."  
The red head looked up just in time to see Naruto with that big smile beaming on his face, jump him and slap his back, swinging an arm around his shoulders.

"Almost the new year, eh, Gaara?!" He said excitedly, then let out a loud outburst of laugh, swiging down the drink in his cup. "Aah 2009! How great is that? What a great number! Oh-nine, yessiree, just before a ten!"  
Gaara could smell alcohol on his breath and asked, "You got into the sake, didn't you?" The blonde look sincerely confused,

"What? Course not! I got into...into..." He turned to his left, behind Gaara, "Sakura, what did I get into?"  
"The sake, Naruto." Came an exhasperated sigh. Gaara peered over his shoulder to see the pink haired kunoichi pinching the bridge on her nose between her fingers, "You got into the sake, just like Gaara said."

"Oh, well..then...RAAR!" He exclaimed almost angrily and gulped down the rest in his cup in a fury, then marched away into the crowd.  
Gaara shook his head in disbelief, biting the rim of his ceramic cup.  
"I swear to god, if I have to drag him home...Well...I just won't." Sakura said, appearing beside him with arms crossed over her chest. Gaara glanced over at her from the corner of his eyes and nodded silently. Sakura sneaked a peek at him, then shuffled her feet, picking at the rim of her plastic cup.

"You look contemplative. What's on your mind?"  
Gaara blinked and looked over at her again, this time turning his head to face her.  
"I do?"  
She smirked and gave a light-hearted chuckle.

"Yes, you do. Or else I wouldn't have said it, now would I?"

Gaara nodded slowly again, turning to look away.

"....Just things...A person, you know..." He frowned. Why did he just throw in that casual 'you know'?

Sakura looked at him longer.

"Kind of waiting..."  
She nodded again.

"Do you know when this person will be coming?"  
Gaara paused, then shook his head, looking back down into the swirling of his milk tea.

"Not really...Hopefully before midnight..."  
Sakura snorted.

"What, in 3 minutes?"  
Gaara looked up and twisted around to stare at the clock. Indeed, it was about three or two minutes until it struck twelve. He looked at it sadly, then turned back around, hunching his shoulders even more.

"I don't know if this is a good time or not...but..." Gaara nodded, indicating he was listening but continued to stare at his reflection in the drink, "Dunno if you remember my invitation a while ago...Actually, a long time ago...For lunch?" He froze. "I just, uh, never got a response...Did you get it?"  
He didn't move for a moment, then resumed swirling his cup.  
"No...I don't believe I got it..."  
"Oh...Ah, can never trust postmen these days, can you?"  
Gaara nodded automatically, feeling the awkward level rising with each clock-wise rotation of his tea.

"Well....Would you like to?"

"Like to what?"

"Go to lunch sometime? You don't come down to Konoha very much...It'd be a good reason to."

There was sudden excitement through the crowd as it was nearing the ten second countdown.  
Gaara shifted uncomfortably, quickly taking a sip of the tea, the looked around the room, anywhere but her.

"Ten!"

"I don't know....The office...Keeps me busy, you know..." He mumbled, fiddling with his finger nails.

"Eight!"

"Ah, heh, yeah, I suppose..."

"Six!"

"But...I could...look into it...See if I can find the time."  
"Four!"

"No promises, though." He looked at her to made sure his message went across. She nodded, looking a bit flustered.

"Three!"

"I've just someone who keeps me...rather busy as well..."

"Two!"

"Who is that?"

"One!"

Suddenly, he couldn't see. Everything was black. But he could hear cheering and clinking of glasses in toasts and people kissing dramatically. Hands were over his eyes.

"Happy New Year's, Gaara!"  
He felt his jaw slacken as he turned around to see Hasame smilling widely at him. Ones that didn't quite reach her eyes, but he would only notice this afterwards, later in to the night when everyone would be asleep.

"H-Hasame, you came!"  
"Just on time to, it seems!"

"Y-yeah-"  
The other red head abruptly clung to his torso like a marsupial, burying her face in his shoulder.

"Yeah..."  
He barely heard her say it over the ruckus, but looked out among the crowd in silence. He wasn't so much shocked as he was just plain happy that she made it. Gripping his cup, the Kazekage returned the embrace with a little more strength than she was giving.

"Gaara, er...Forget about the lunch. Don't worry about it." He snapped his eyes open and stared at Sakura in shock as she waved her hand, giving an embarrassed smile and made her away from them.

"No, wait, it's not like th- oooooh..." He could feel her body shaking with laughter, snorting.

"Okay, that was my fault." She said, pulling away and laughing, wiping her eyes. "What was happening there?"  
Gaara shook his head.

"Do you remember a long time ago, I got an invitation to have lunch with someone?"  
Hasame stood there with a blank stare, and he was pretty sure she didn't remember, then she said, "Oh yeah. Sakura.............OH." She nodded vigorously, stroking her chin in thought. "Didja ever go to that lunch thing?" Gaara shook his head. "Did you ever...reply?" Gaara shook his head. Hasame sighed and raised an open palmed hand, paused for a second, then smacked him on the chest lightly but firmly.

"You dumbass...I'm guessing she was asking about it?"  
Gaara bowed his head lightly, nodding.

"Oooh Gaara, Gaara, Gaara...And I'm guessing when she saw me hugging you, she assumed something along the lines of-"

"Yes, I know what she was assuming." He took a swig from his milk tea, "And you're right. It is completely your fault." She laughed maniacally, giving the classic 'Bwahaha' and shook her head, sending her hair flying out. It was certainly getting long.

"Aw, man, I'm sorry. Did you want to go to it?"  
This time, he didn't respond right away. Turning away, he shook his head.

"Not really...I mean, she's a kind enough girl but...Not my kind."  
"Since who is ever your kind." Hasame snorted, leaning on his shoulder with her elbow propped up on it, hand on her jutted out hip and staring out on the crowd in the living room. Gaara looked over at her.

"Yeah, you're right."

She looked up at him and caught his stare. She blinked and took her arm off his shoulder.

"Gaara, Ellysa broke up with me last night."  
His eyes widened in surprise.

"What? But, I thought-"  
"Yeah, that's what I thought. But it's not like that."

"....." He stood there, waiting for her to talk, ready to listen. He was thinking of taking her to a quieter place, but she shook her head as she looked down at her feet, shuffling them then giving a sigh.

"It was...different...We still love each other just...She isn't able to handle the pressure of our parents not quite okay with our relationship, not to mention the long distance. Also, she actually has never been with a guy before, and doesn't know what it's like. I'm, actually, her first ever...I dunno...thing. Whatever." She flipped her hand around, trying to find the right word but not wanting to use it.

"And...I don't know...if I'm just supposed to wait...Or not. I want to, in case she really does want to be...with me, or something...But if I do, I'll just get more disappointed when she finds a good guy..."  
She traced the outline of her face with her fingers as she sighed, eyes glazing over, her head shaking ever so slightly. Shrugging, Hasame looked up at him.  
"I just....I don't know what to do. Don't know how to act..."  
Releasing another sigh, she put her elbow on his shoulder for an armrest again.

"I'm trying to not think about it."  
There was a silence between them, gone completely unnoticed by the crowd.  
It was busy for a long time, and neither of them really moved. They would shift so people could pass by, but remained close to each other.

As the people started to disperse, mostly the villagers first, Hasame started to mingle slightly. She started with Temari and Kankurou.

Gaara watched as Temari gave the most tearful and biggest hug she had ever given anyone. Which was no one. Kankurou stood awkwardly then gave her a quick hug.

"Where were you?" Temari demanded, wanting to be so angry with the shorter female, but couldn't bring herself to.

"Ah...Just...Things...Came up...And it's all just so complicated...I'm really sorry." Hasame mumbled, fiddling with the longer hairs at the back of her head. She gave another hug to the blonde to make up for it and sighed, crossing her arms and looking over at Gaara. Lifting her chin at him to come over, he shrugged and approached them.

"You knew, didn't you?" Kankurou asked, elbowing him sharply in the side. Gaara looked at Hasame, who gave a roll of her eyes and smirked.

"Yeah. I did. But she made me promise not to tell."  
"How come?"  
Hasame coughed and shoved her hands in her pockets.

"I just...thought....you'd hate me after I left....you know...."

"Hasame....."

"That's terribly cliche of you."

The girl looked up at both of them with a face filled with embarrassment, rubbing her arm that moved to her neck.

"I guess...Couldn't help it."

Hasame sighed and gave a grimace at Gaara. "Wanna get a dri-..." She spotted the cup still in Gaara's hand. He showed that it was empty and nodded, walking with her to the kitchen.

Opening the fridge and searching for anything that was appetizing, the two remained silent.

"So..." She said as she pulled out cranberry juice and set it on the countertop. Gaara gave a 'hmm', leaning againt the edge, staring at the cupboards slightly above him. "All the Konoha people, eh? Kinda reminds me of that one party....."  
They both gave visible shudders.  
The party in september two years ago (two years ago now! :D) with the formal wear. How terrible it had gone...Well...Not terribly terrible.

"It was okay..."

"Not for me." Grumbled Hasame, slamming the carton on the counter. "I remember _clearly_ the dress wearing-"

"The dress was nice, you can't avoid it."

"The awkward attention-"

"Hey, you already knew everyone. It was inevitable."

"And _Sasuke_-"

"Now what's wrong with me?"

Hasame froze as Gaara looked around in surprise to see the raven haired Uchiha leaning against the door way of the kitchen leading into the living room. Gaara eyed him warily, while seeing Hasame's hand slowly inch toward the knife drawer. While it was a splendous idea, Gaara didn't want casualties in his house during a new years eve party. He grabbed her arm and she snarled, twisting away to turn her back to the other male ninja, filling up Gaara's cup.

"Last time I saw you, you had black hair." Commented Sasuke, and Hasame didn't answer.

"You must have short term memory. She said she was a natural red."

"Which is a lot nicer considering your's."

"Not as red as the blood that splurted from your nose after she gave you a nice pummeling."

Sasuke scowled, his dark eyes narrowing. With equal intent, Gaara glared, muscles tense in case of attack. There was an intense silence, and Hasame quickly put away the juice carton and closed the fridge door. Gripping the counter, she finally turned around to see him full in the face.  
His hair was slightly longer, and dressed instead of that ridiculous costume with the purple bow and half open white shirt, he was clothed in a black dress shirt and pants,a small pendant with the Uchiha symbol tied. She was sick of this. Handing Gaara both the glasses, she marched up to him and stared at him full in the face, frowning. She scanned him then when she arrived to his face, couldn't help but grimace in disgust.

"Must be nice...Having no brain." She muttered, staring at the Uchiha pendant.

"Well, it's better than having to hang around Statue of Ice over there."

Quick as lightning, she gave him a jab to the adam's apple and he choked, coughing and bent over his knees, gagging. Hasame grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back up again.

"Has anyone forgot to tell you, I'm _gay_??" She snarled, a mere inch away from his face. "Yeah, okay? So just drop it. Drop me, drop everything about me. Never come near me, never even _speak_ to me." Backing away, she grabbed Gaara by the upper arm and was about to lead him away.

"Hm, the old lesbian trick, right? It doesn't matter. Girls are too unreliable."  
Hasame stopped moving. Gaara continued and gently tugged her.

"Ignore him. Just ignore him." He grumbled, but she wasn't budging.

"They change they're minds too quickly. They just don't know what they want. Is that right?"  
She couldn't help it. She just couldn't turn and walk away.

"It's hard when you catch the ones who are new. They haven't a chance to meet the guys."

Hasame clenched her jaw and the glass trembled in her hand, threatening to break. Turning on her heel, she slowly faced him. Gaara instantly understood; he had overheard their conversation about Ellysa.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Uchiha. You haven't seen me in a year."

Sasuke shrugged, giving a crooked smirk at her.

"Doesn't matter how long ago I last saw you. Doesn't take away from the fact that..." He sighed, "Girls just don't dig you."

At this, Hasame laughed abruptly.

"So, what, you're saying that girls don't like me, I should just drop being gay?"

"Why not? Have you even been with a guy?"

"Nope. Don't want to. But...Last time I remembered..." Hasame leaned against the door frame, tapping her lips, "I didn't _dig_ you either. So, why don't _you_ just drop it?"

Sasuke gave a heavy sigh and took a few steps towards her.

"Please, how can I? It's not my fault I've got a majority of the females around my age in Konoha that drool over me. It's true. I see them." He talked as he moved closer, and Hasame jolted back. At this, Gaara intervened and put the glasses on a table, stepping in between them.

"Gaara. _I. Got. This._" Hasame growled behind him, and he looked over at her. She had a determined glint that was dangerous in her eyes. A small staring match broke out, and he slowly moved back.

Hasame glared at Sasuke, who had cooly put his hands in his pockets, thumbs hooked on his belt loops.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke, but the only reason I'm backing away is that...Well, you smell like bullshit." She gave a sympathetic smile and shrugged. "It must be all that crap that's coming out of your orifice of a mouth."

He gave an audible snarl, the calm facade of a visage gone, replaced by an ugly scowl. But in a second, it disappeared, a relaxed smile, as if finally understanding a funny joke.

"You, are a tease."  
She jerked, giving him an insane glare. A tease? She had never been called that in her life.

"I know how it goes with your kind. You dress just so where people can't really tell your gender. You have a few girls milling about you, and you know of them. So you just, wrap them around your pinky," He wiggled the indicated finger, "And promise them nice things. You promise them your attention, and your compassion. But never your love. Of _course_ not. Heck, you might even do that with boys."

"Thought you just said girls didn't 'dig' me."

He shrugged.

"Guess I was wrong. But look at you. What you're wearing now." He waved a hand at her, trailing down her torso and legs in the air.

Hasame looked at Gaara, who couldn't help but look. Hasame glanced down.

"So? I'm wearing a night shirt and boxers and socks. How is that anything _like_ a tease?!" She snapped angrily. Now he was getting on her nerves.

"Come on. You don't realize it?...." He tilted his head to the side, running his fingers over his lips, "No, you don't? Hm, so you're naive...Innocent..."  
"What the _hell_ are you talking about?!" Hasame barked, clenching her fists.

Sasuke smirked.

"You really don't...Your shirt is made of silk, so it drapes ever so over your slim shoulders and torso and- oh, not wearing a bra, I see."

She instantly crossed her arms over her chest.

"You're wearing boxers, mostly that indicates being with a man, the classic 'wearing his clothes' image is a turn on for anyone. And they show off lovely, _long_ legs...That I never noticed before..."  
Hasame rolled her eyes, unable to stop him in his ranting. She could think of sewing his mouth shut. That might work. She just didn't know where the needle and thread were.

Gaara was fuming, and was itching to tramble this slime, but Hasame said she could handle it. It must be her way to vent. He could see her breathing deeply, trying to not explode. It was working better for her than for him.

"Just rolled out of bed look is a much sexier image than any cocktail dress and makeup could achieve."  
Hasame looked at Gaara. She suddenly was remembering all the times she was in a tank top and shorts around the house, or even late nights when she couldn't sleep. She was hoping she wasn't giving him any misleadings.  
He wasn't looking at her though. He had only eyes for Sasuke. That would normally sound romantic, if the eyes weren't filled to the rim with unadulterated loathing.

"Are you done undressing me with your eyes?" She snapped angrily, releasing her arms and standing her ground.

"Not quite."

Hasame looked at Gaara, back at Sasuke, and decided she had enough. It was 2 in the morning, no....Hasame spotted the clock and gaped. It was almost 6 in the morning. How the hell had time passed by so fast?  
At that moment, she turned on her heel, and ran. Ran up the stairs and into her bedroom.  
Sitting on her bed, she sat stiffly for a while. She felt bad for leaving Gaara alone with the stinker, but needed to just, get away.

A few minutes later, Gaara arrived and sat on the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have turned around. Shoulda just left."

"It's fine. It was almost kind of funny to see you run all of a sudden."  
Hasame snorted then laughed. Sighing, she hung her head and flopped back onto the pillows.

"God....I'm tired..."

Gaara nodded.

"People are still here but...What the hell.."


	8. January 4th, 2009

January 4th, 2008

Hasame sniffed in her bed. Dully. Then an explosive sneeze. More sniffling.  
She closed her eyes tightly, feeling the pressure build up in her sinuses.  
Goddamn her father for making her vaccuum. It always made her stuffed up beyond belief. All that fur and hair and dust flying around...  
She flopped down onto her bed and blew her nose again, tossing the tissue into the pile of dirty ones already overflowing her garbage bin.  
This was terrible.  
She was supposed to get up at 9 in the morning, and it was 12:30am already.


	9. January 5th, 2009

January 5th, 2009

Yawning widely, Hasame stared in a daze at the wall, willing herself to wake up. After three hours sleep, she wasn't expecting her first day back to be a good one. She would end up on the verge of falling asleep in her first class. It was always like that.  
Rolling out of bed, she slowly got changed into her uniform and proceeded downstairs where the rest of the siblings were. It was mildly busy; Temari burnt her toast and was complaining about the quality of their toaster, Kankurou was trying to make eggs but was failing worse than Temari would, and Gaara was sitting at the table, half awake with a cup of coffee, leaning over it as if he was about to fall asleep in it. Hasame sat down next to him, giving a slow nod in recognition, him returning the gesture with a short wriggle of a finger.

How, they both thought, could the other two be so wired in the morning?

Hasame could almost see 'Not a morning person' stamped on both hers and Gaara's forehead.

"Come on Hasame, eat something." Temari urged her like she always would; asking what she wanted but the questions fell upon deaf ears. Hasame never ate in the morning, and she meant _never_. She just couldn't. She would feel bloated or ill if she ate. Normally, the hunger pangs would hit her full on by 9 am.

Suddenly, she was very much aware what was happening inside her stomach. She could almost feel it churning. Frowning, Hasame sat still, as if any movement she made, even speaking, would cause something to happen to it. And not a good happening.  
Her mouth wasn't watering, and her throat wasn't burning, so she was pretty sure she wasn't about to vomit. Hasame didn't even want to move her eyes. Gaara noticed her abrupt stillness (which was a lot different from their drowsy immobility).

"Hasame?" He said; quiet enough as to not alert the attention of Temari and Kankurou. Hasame moved her hand, not even budging her wrist from the arm rest, as to indicate she wasn't about to move or speak. Gaara watched her carefully.  
It must have been a full minute before she suddenly got up and walked away from the kitchen, but not with any urgency. Strolling.  
Gaara knew she was trying to look normal, and not attract the concern of the two other siblings.

She was feeling funny as she entered the bathroom. She didn't want to stand, so she sat in the corner on the tiled floors. The illness feeling in her stomach has subsided and she was glad for that, but now her vision was going all wonky on her.  
Swimming would be the adjective to describe it. Her vision was swirling and giving her a terrible sense of vertigo. It felt like her innards were uncomfortably warm, but her skin was ice cold, and covered in sweat. Curling up with her knees to her chin, Hasame closed her eyes and sat there in total silence, trying to figure out what was wrong with her, and trying to see how she could cool down without freezing her butt off. When shivers started, the girl decided to just fuck it and lay down on the tiled floors, pressing her warm cheek to the cold ground. It felt so refreshing. Her head wasn't spinning so much, and she felt so much more relaxed, though uncontrollable tremors were coursing through her.

What a curious feeling it was. One second, she was burning hot and almost took off her sweater, but then the next, she was shivering, her teeth clattering and wrapped her sweater around her even tighter.  
She was considering falling asleep right then and there.

It seemed forever had passed when there was gentle rapping on the door. Hasame opened her eyes and said, "Yes?"

"Hasame, you okay?" It was Gaara, and Hasame looked back to the floor in front of her, gazing unfocused at the textures. Was she okay? She was fine just staying her, but the cold was staring to seep past her skin and into her inside where before, she was burning hot.  
"Um....I dunno."  
Gaara took this as an invitation and opened the bathroom door. Hasame could see his shocked face as he saw her, curled up on the bathroom floor. She probably looked like she was suffering from a stomach ulcer or something terrible.

"I'm just…laying here." Her voice was surprisingly level compared to the shivers that spread like wild fire over her skin. "I feel really hot...but…cold."  
Gaara quickly got down and felt her forehead with the back of his hand.

"Good god...Why are you laying here??"  
"Hot...Well, I was." She mumbled, figuring she could close her eyes and just speak without having to work her eye muscles.

"Hasame, I think you have a fever."

She was silent, and then she groaned.

"What's wrong?!" He panicked, and started opening the cupboard doors for...something, Hasame had no idea what.

"Nothing, just don't really want to have a fever on my first day of school."

He stopped scrambling for whatever he was looking for and slumped down next to her.

"What are you feeling?"

Hasame thought, and tried deciphering her puzzle of a body.

"Um...Hot....like, on the inside. It's going now, because I'm on the floor, so I'm almost completely freezing right now...But my face still feels warm. I know I'm covered in sweat, and I feel gross." She decided she might as well explain what she was feeling earlier even though it had past. "At the table, I felt like I was going to be sick, so that's why I wasn't moving. Then when I came in here, it passed, but I couldn't see straight. Everything was all...Just...swirling...And I felt really dizzy, so I laid down."

Gaara nodded and felt her forehead again. He sighed and brushed her hair out of her face, combing it behind her ears.

"We need to get you into a bed. Warm bed."

"Warm sounds inviting."

He got to his knees, then asked, "Can you stand up?"  
Hasame opened her eyes and chewed her lip, then nodded and got right up. She stumbled from the blood rush to her head, then nodded again and gripped the doorknob for stability.

"Forget about school. I'll call them."

She wasn't happy about that, but wasn't exactly crest-fallen.


	10. January 6th, 2009

January 6th, 2009

Gaara told her that she had slept right on into the night, as she was running a comb through her hair. Staring blankly at herself in the mirror, she looked behind her in it to see Gaara leaning against the door frame.

"Well, I still feel kinda off, but I'm going to go to school anyway. No point in wasting the day just because I feel off."  
Gaara rolled his eyes.

"You just had a fever of 102, and you think you can go to school the very next day? Might I remind you I found you on this bathroom floor?"  
Hasame gave him a disapproving look.

"No, you don't need to remind me, _mother_." He shot her a glare, "But I still need to go to school. I have no idea what I missed, and I have no one to ask what happened the first two periods. So I gotta find out myself."  
She looked so pale. Paler than normal. Sickly pale, minus the blush across her nose and upper cheeks. Her eyes looked deepset due to the purpleish, blueish tinge they had to them due to the illness. Her lips were chapped beyond belief as she had breathed through her mouth the entire day and night of sleeping.

"If I don't feel good, I'll just go to the sick room."

"You could come here. Just tell me and I'll be here."

Hasame sighed and rested her elbows on the countertop, pressing her forehead against the glass. It was cool against her still warm forehead.

"I can't, because I would have to call home, get someone to pick me up, then grab the bottle and come here, which is all impossible, as both my parents are at work and they travel almost an hour away in opposite directions from the school. Very inconvenient, if you ask me, but I don't complain."

Gaara's mouth thinned to a firm line as he stared at Hasame's reflection in the mirror. Deciding he couldn't win this one, he sighed and tilted his head back to touch the wall.

"Fine. But take care of yourself. You look pretty bad, so don't do anything exuberant."

Hasame grinned, wanting to laugh but didn't have the energy.

"Please, all I do is sit and write. Hardly exuberant, I would say."

"That doesn't take away from the fact of the matter that you're still ill."

"Yes, yes."

Hasame grabbed the back pack from her feet and turned to look at her friend. He didn't look very happy at the prospect of her going to school. Oh well.

"I'll be fine. Trust me."  
He let her through, but muttered, "That's what I'm concerned about."

The day passed uneventfully. First period, she was barely conscious. It was such a slow class, and the teacher didn't make it any easier by turning off the bright flourescent lights. He had a dull voice, so the constant droning for and hour and ten minutes was not helping.  
It was around the very end of second period that she was feeling bad again.  
Walking to the place where she normally had lunch with her friends, she sat on the window sill, curled up still in her winter coat and put her forehead on the glass. Her dizzy state was returning and her vision was swimming again.


	11. January 8th, 2009

January 8, 2009 (4:23 am)

She didn't know how it happened. It just suddenly came, and the next thing she knew, Hasame was curled up in the fetal position beneath her covers. Crying so hard, she could practically feel her intestines writhing in pain.

It came not in waves, but a constant stream, tears dampening her pillow case as she attempted to stifle her sobs so to not wake anyone. Toes curled up tightly, trembling hands clenching at locks of hair in a vain effort to stop the pain that racked through her body with each sob.  
She couldn't help it.  
It had been definitely over a week since Ellysa had said they couldn't be together. And not once, had she shed a tear. Hasame thought she could get over it without the unnecessary crying. After about the 5th day, she was confident that it wasn't going to be so bad.  
But that's all she could think about.  
It's all she thought.

Barely 12 hours passed without her having a fleeting thought about it. A memory. Something.

She felt so weak. So stupid. Crying, a week later. Over something that happened, that everyone went through, and would go through in their lives multiple times.

But…It was so, damn, hard. Having it bottled up inside, only telling her best friend since before 6th grade.

All she could do right then, was cry. And cry. It didn't stop after a minute, it didn't stop after five. Or ten. It was as if all the times she should have cried, and didn't, was coming out all at once. And for once, she didn't want anyone to come in to stop her.

Whoever said that a person would feel good after a good cry, had obviously never cried for a long enough time to feel the physical aches the body endured in the action of crying.

She felt so ill. Her stomach was tight and it felt shriveled, her head was pulsating and ached in the front, her eyes were stinging with the salty tears, and her face was cramping, including her entire body. Not to mention the dreaded running nose.

Hasame had no idea how much time had passed. She didn't care. (She should have, she had school in the morning.) She knew she should have stopped crying a while ago. But she couldn't bring herself to. At the same time though, she was very much happy no one was walking in on her to witness such an unhealthy act.

Eventually, just like in the movies and books, she ended up crying herself right into the sleep she so desperately waited all night for.

She didn't want anyone to tell her to stop crying, to breathe deeply, to say that she isn't worth the tears, that she didn't always have to keep everything hidden and inside, that she should cry more, so it wouldn't hurt so much.

What useless things to say to her…


	12. January 15th, 2009

January 15th, 2009

Hasame sighed and leaned back on the chair, craning her head over the back so she could see out the window facing her back.

She had finally finished her culminating task, the long, hard, difficult task, for French class. She felt so….complete.

There was a knock on her door and Hasame said, "Come in."

Gaara entered, a little surprised to see her.  
"Haven't seen you in a while."  
She leaned forward onto all four legs of the chair, and grinned sheepishly at him, saving the file on her laptop and closed the lid shut.

"I'm sorry; I've been busy with my school stuff. It's exams next week. And you know how the teachers give you that huge project thing to do that's worth a big amount of your grade? Yeah, I've been working non-stop since last week." Pressing her forehead on the top of the laptop, she let her arms hang over her knees. "It's killing me."

"Why don't you take a break?" He asked as he sat down on her bed, bouncing slightly. She looked at him with an absolutely horrified expression, as if taking a break was the most obscure thing possible.

"A break? No way. I've been slacking off since grade 9. I am _not_ taking _any_ breaks when I am working on these tasks. They will be done, and they will be done **right**!"

Gaara stared at her with one non-existent eyebrow raised.

"…..Well, whatever lets you sleep at night."

"Well, I don't."

"What!?"  
Gaara scowled at her angrily, pursing his lips. Hasame caught this look and mocked it grossly, sticking out her jaw so far forward it looked like she had an under bite, scrunching up her face so she looked like she just ate a sour lemon.

"Oh, stop being so serious. I sacrifice a few hours of sleep for working. I'm not going to make it a habit."

"Yes you have." He grumbled and looked away from her, because he couldn't stand to look at the grotesque yet utterly hilarious face she was making. The moment he looked away, Hasame stuck her tongue out at him, wriggling it.

"I'll get some good sleep AFTER exams are done. I get a long weekend after they're done. At least four days off. And remember that they're all half days."

He remembered, for he had recalled how he visited her during her exams in the summer.

"Hey, if I'm not tied down," He got a mental image and was slightly disturbed at his imagination, "I'll come visit you after an exam. Sound good?" In fact, it did. She was always really hyper after an exam, or extremely mellow and agreeable.

He shrugged, trying to not seem too eager.

"I suppose…"

"I'll bring loads of pocky like last time." This caught his attention.

"Well, alright. But I create the schedule."

She smirked.

"Alright. I might even bring someone along…" Gaara looked at her curiously. She made a motion over her mouth as if it were a zipper and winked. At that, she yawned widely and shook her head, blinking away tears.

"Man….I'm tired. I need to sleep." She made one bound and landed on the bed behind him, "If you plan on sleeping here, then grab a mattress, otherwise, shoo." She playfully poked him in the lower part of his back and he got the point.

"Alright, I'm going."


	13. January 19th, 2009

January 19th, 2009

When he came home, everything was dark. Everything. Like no one had turned on any of the lights. Gaara frowned, squinting around in the dark. It looked like there was a glow somewhere down the hall. Putting down his bag quietly, he walked as silently as he could towards the glow. He passed by a small candle. Then another. Then more accumulated on the window sills and on tables and near his feet. Gaara entered the kitchen and saw all the candles lit, flicking their tiny flames and casting dancing shadows on the walls. He was growing less and less confused as he came to the sitting room. There she was, probably dead asleep, laying on the couch as if she owned it. He felt the corners of his lips twitch in a smile, but rubbed his mouth roughly. Hasame had her arm flopped over something, a package tied with tissue paper and sewing thread. Gaara sat down on the end of the couch near her feet and looked at the bare toes. Getting an idea, he reached out and ran a fingernail along the center of her sole. She jerked and sat up immediately, scratching her foot feverishly. Her eyes were blurry and she was half out of it, but Hasame looked around and noticed Gaara sitting near her feet.  
"Oh...OH!" Her mouth formed a perfec 'o' in surprise, then broke out into a grin. "Hii..."  
"Hii." He replied in the same manner, half mocking her. She scrunched up her face and bared her teeth in a cheeky grin, and adjusted her malfunctioning kimono. "Glad to see your awake."  
"Ah, haha, well, yeah..." She looked around and glanced at the clock. She stared rigid at it for a second, then glared over at him, her head lowered so she was looking up at him in a death glower. "It's 2 in the morning." He nodded.

"Morning, sunshine." She smacked him on the arm and snorted, then noticed the parcel she had with her. She let out a little gasp and whirled around at him, covering his eyes. Leaning back for a moment, Gaara resisted the urge to remove her hands but let her continue. "What is this?"  
"It's a precaution." She removed one hand but made sure her palm covered both his eyes as she grabbed the package. Thrusting it in his hands, she then let him see. "Okay, open it up."

Holding the small leather bound book in his hands, he looked at her questioningly. She smiled and handed him a fountain pen. "Happy birthday." He blinked. He had completely forgotten. With Temari and Kankurou gone on missions, he hadn't anyone to annoyingly remind him every twenty minutes. Gaara flipped through the blank, empty pages of the journal. "For you to write something. Write your own life." He gave a light laugh once, and reached over to give her a one armed hug, messing up her hair. She half snorted, half laughed and returned it by throwing her arm over his shoulder. "Didn't think I'd skimp out on you this year, did you?" Hasame laughed.


	14. February 19th, 2009

February 19th, 2009

_It was the exact same scenario from a month ago.  
Except it wasn't as happy.  
It wasn't as....planned.  
Or something._

Gaara put his pen down with a sigh and looked over from his chair to the couch. Candles were his only source of light and the crescent moon outside, it's rays beaming down into the sitting room and across a pale face. A face that was tight and who's forehead was furrowed slightly.

It was strange, seeing her asleep without a serene face. He could normally watch her with that passive, child-like visage, but it ruffled his feathers that she wasn't sleeping soundly.  
She wasn't happy. And he could see that.

He knew what it was that was making her unhappy.  
She was still thinking about her. It must be all she ever thinks about. Gaara scribbled nonsense on the rest of the blank page beneath his writing. He had been writing at least once a day, but most of the time he didn't know what to write, or he felt strange writing his thoughts down on paper. The red head glanced up at the girl again, as if hoping each time he looked up, she wouldn't look so distraught.  
Finally, he closed his book quietly and put the pen down on the table. Getting up, he walked over to her and knelt by her head, putting an arm on the cushion. He sat there for god knows how long, occasionally looking at the moon out of the window, but then checking back to Hasame. It took him almost twenty minutes to build up the courage to lift his hand and, hesitantly, pressed the pad of his thumb between the creases of her brow. Gently massaging up and down the bridge of her nose to her hairline, he watched as the muscles on her face started to relax, her head leaning forward slightly.  
It calmed him a bit, to know he was able to not make her frown anymore.


	15. March 2nd, 2009

March 2nd, 2009

He hadn't seen her for a while. It hadn't been a month yet, but he still couldn't help but miss her.  
She wasn't well the last time he had seen her.

Well, she was fine with her physical health. But something was bothering her deeply in her mind. And he didn't even get to ask what was the matter.

And there she had gone for a long time. Days passed, and he felt progressively lonely.

He could only imagine how she felt.

He glanced at the clock in his office with a sigh. It was only 11:51am. He couldn't work. Gaara's brain was sluggish and the words blurred before him on the parchment paper.

He shut the door behind him as he slipped off his sandals carefully, putting his work bag down on the floor. Yanking off the white over cloak, he tossed it on the couch and sat down heavily, putting the pads of his fingers to his forehead delicately, feeling another headache coming. It ached dully as he stared out the round window, the sun hitting him directly in the face. The grandfather clock ticked loudly through the empty hallways of the mansion.

He missed her. He missed her company so much it almost hurt, but he was pretty sure it was the headache that was causing the pain.

She had promised him she wouldn't leave again.

She had said how many times that they were important to her? That he was important to her?

Gaara had no clue what time it was. His stomach growled annoyingly and he shifted slightly. His muscles and joints were stiff from not moving for so long. Getting up, the Kazekage shuffled over to the kitchen, peering into the refrigerator. Scanning around, he glanced at the cranberry juice.

Hasame had drunken this at the New Year's Eve party.

Hit by a wave of nostalgia, he picked up the carton and poured himself a glass. Leaning against the counter, his eyes strayed to the entrance way. He could almost see Hasame snarling up at Sasuke, dressed in her tank top and boxers. He gave a short, curt laugh as he remembered Hasame punching the Uchiha square in the nose, blood splurting in a perfect stream.

Where had her spunk gone? Where did the ferocity and pride go? Where did _she_ go?

There was a creak of the stairs. Gaara abruptly looked up. Were Temari and Kankurou home? They shouldn't be. They were visiting Konoha for an ambassador-like trip. He frowned and put down his glass slowly. There were a few more creaks, and they sped up as they reached the base of the stairs. Gaara's stomach lurched and so did he, going towards the doorway.

The footsteps ran right by him, pattering down the long hallway. He missed whoever it was; only catching the shadow running along the wall. Suspicion, and a tugging hope, spiraled through his head as he crept after the footsteps. Reaching back into the living room where his cloak was, Gaara distinctively heard a noise. Panting, like someone had run. Then, the breathing stopped and he stiffened. A quiet, tiny whine was heard, followed by a groan, then a soft thud. Gaara peered around the corner and saw her sitting on the ground, her arms curled over her head, gently rocking back and forth, barely audible, tiny sobs heard. Her toes furled up tightly, the muscles in her calves bulging as she curled her knees towards her chest.

Gaara watched Hasame cry quietly, frozen where he stood.

He remembered how she hated people walking in on her, for she felt utterly weak and useless whenever she cried and it only made it worse that someone had witnessed it.

But he couldn't help but want to walk over there and let her know he was here, that she wasn't alone in the house again.

Something warm touched her shoulder, and she stopped rocking, though her skin crawled from the touch. Her skin was cold and it sent shivers down her arms. Her lips curled back over her teeth again as she felt her eyes well up once more with the hot tears. Trembling, she sobbed and twisted around, allowing herself to be enveloped in the blue cloth.

Burying his face in the masses of her red hair, Gaara held her tightly as if doing so would stop her shivering.

"Hasame….what happened." He mumbled, hoping she would answer. It seemed forever until she could answer,

"I-I-…S-she promised! S-she pr-promised me!" Hasame could barely make out the words, nearly choking herself from not breathing, "Ssshe pr-promised she wuh-wouldn't…Wouldn't leave!"

Running his fingers through her hair, Gaara stared with tight eyes out the window, feeling her heart beat rapidly and her breathing unstable against him. It would be useless to say for her to calm down. She wouldn't, and it would irritate her even more.

She continued to say and mumble things that would make no sense to a bystander, but he understood it all.


	16. March 29th, 2009

March 29th, 2009

She was sitting on her bed, staring out the window from her mother's house. It was approaching spring, and snow was now invisible unless searched for. The winds were coming in warmer, coats were rarely seen. Hasame saw small buds on the spindly trees that were once bare.

If she didn't focus, if she closed her eyes and just breathed, she swore it could have been summer. School long gone, sometime before the 1st of July. It could very well be her beloved summer.  
But when she opened her eyes, it was gone. It wasn't making her terribly sad, because summer was coming soon. In a little more than two months. Those months were feeling like forever, but she knew they would pass quickly.

She felt sad. She was sad. For a long while now. As if she wasn't really all there, not really all herself. All Hasame.

Hasame looked away from the window and stared at the poster behind her. 12 year old Gaara glared down at her, his fabric woven eyes staring with disapproval and loathing. Thinning her lips, she slowly pulled out the water bottle filled with black, thick, molasses-like liquid.

Climbing up to the floor from the black puddle, she rested on her knees, placing the rim of the bottle to the puddle and watched it suck back in like a vacuum.

Screwing the cap back on the bottle, she set it gently down on the desk top and sat on her bed, the mattress creaking with the new weight.

Crawling over her bed, she opened the window that was cast out to look at the village and then to the desert beyond the protective wall surrounding the small community. The setting sun's rays struck her eyes with ferocity, orange washed over her and the space she was confined in. Squinting, she blinked and grew used to the bright light, then swung one leg over the edge of the window sill, resting her back against the frame.  
Hasame sighed and felt the warm breeze rustle her hair and clothing.

Time passed that she had barely noticed and opened her eyes to the absence of a sun behind the waves of sand. Blinking, she looked around the streets weaving through the buildings like snakes and noticed a figure approaching the house.  
It was Gaara wearing his Kage robes still, scuffling across the sandy walkway. She leaned over, tilting precariously on the edge of the window sill.

"Gaara."

He looked around, frowning, wondering who had called his name. Gaara then looked up and jumped in surprise to see Hasame leaning off the window, looking like she was about to fall off. But another thing caught his eye.

"Y-your hair…."  
Hasame gave him a grim smile and blew the strands of blue hair out of her mouth.

"It's blue."

"Yeah. It's blue." She nodded, laughing lightly then motioned for him to come upstairs.

Hasame leaned back and listened to him hurriedly shaking off his sandals and running up the stairs to her room. Waving at him as he slid open the door, she saw him gap slightly, eyes glued to the cerulean hair. She slid down onto her mattress as Gaara sat on it, hand twitching slightly. Hasame leaned her head forward and Gaara quickly inspected her hair. There were blotches of blue on her scalp, and asked, "Did you do this yourself?"  
"Yeah," Hasame sighed, "Mom wasn't about to help me any time soon after all the other fiascos of previous hair dying. I did an okay job, I think." Gaara nodded. She had actually done a very good job. It was very soft. Her hair appeared to not have suffered any damage from the colouring.  
"Um…Gaara?" He looked down at her between the blue bangs, "You done yet?" He paused, and then quickly took his hands away from the masses of Indigo hair. She smiled and shook her head, running her fingers through the strands and parted it to the side as always. Gaara thought the colour matched her eyes.

"Haven't seen you for a while." At that, he wished he hadn't brought it up, for she slowly turned sad. It wasn't evident at first, but she seemed to wither slightly.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't have many excuses besides…just…School work and…" The teenager brought her knees up to her chest and she picked at her nails resting on her kneecaps, "Wanted to have some thinking time, alone, I guess. But I missed you." She briefly looked at him dejectedly then looked away in shame. "I'm sorry; I'm so terribly selfish sometimes…" Then, she gave a curt laugh, "A lot of the time, I suppose."

"No, no you're not." Gaara mumbled, and Hasame looked at him, her eyes watering. Gaara was worried she was going to cry, but then she yawned widely, covering her face with her hands. Tilting her head forward so her face was buried in her knees, she gave a sigh. "I'm so tired."

Gaara tried looking at her, tilting his head to the left but her hair obscured any sight, "How much sleep have you been getting?" He pulled her hair back and tucked it behind her ear. She shifted her head so she could look at him with one eye. It was faintly bloodshot and bruise-like stains around her eyes. Hasame shrugged.

"I get to sleep at a reasonable time, but I keep on waking up, or not feeling like I've slept at all."  
Gaara sighed inwardly and scooted backwards, sitting beside her with his back pressed against the multitude of pillows, scratching the nape of her neck. She groaned lightly and glared at him.

"Don't do thaaat. You know it makes me drowsy." That was exactly his point.

"Listen, I'll tell Temari you're staying up here for dinner and I'll bring it to you later if you're still awake. Did you eat breakfast?" She shook her head slightly and he rolled his eyes in annoyance. She never did. "How about lunch then?" She paused, then shook her head. "Well…had half a muffin…Does that count?" It was better than nothing.

Gaara shook his head at her and glanced out her window to the evening sky. He could see specks of stars dotted at random across the blanket of dark blue. Pinks and golds and oranges glowed softly from beyond the sea of sand; twilight was one of his favourite times of day and night. The perfect between.

The light breathing of Hasame rustled the single strands of hair in front of her face, her cheek pressed against her knee, making her lips pucker slightly. He almost wanted to laugh at the funny sight, but kept his mouth shut. Continuing the hypnotic rubbing to the base of her skull, Gaara stared at her in wonder. Eventually, he didn't see her face anymore, just his thoughts coursing through his brain.

She still wasn't herself. Something wasn't really there, but he couldn't tell what. Maybe it was her fire. Or her sharp sarcasm.

Whatever it was, it left her small and unwilling. She wasn't making so many jokes, she wasn't as defiant.

Gaara sighed again and looked outside again briefly. It was getting darker, and he could smell the stew Temari was cooking downstairs. His stomach growled quietly. The redhead slowly removed his hand from Hasame's neck, leaning back away from the wall. She didn't stir, so he continued moving over her and touched the hardwood floor.

Glancing over his shoulder before he left the room, Gaara watched Hasame shift her hands beneath her head, curled up in a ball on her bed.


	17. April 6th, 2009

April 6, 2009

Hasame put the end of the metal pencil to her lips, biting down on the steel encased eraser in thought.

Looking down at her sketch, she sighed and continued to shade places at random. She didn't even know what she was drawing. Eventually, she erased the heck out of it until it became nothing but scattered shavings over the creamy white page.

Brushing away the shavings, the girl sighed and got up from her desk to crawl on her bed, curling up on her side and looking out the window at the night sky.

It was a deep blue, so dark the sky that night. Clouds obscured any sight of the moon and its beloved stars. The streetlights below were flickering out as they reached the wee hours of the morning.

She hadn't checked her clock in hours, but she guessed it was almost 2 am.

Feeling the greenish hairs splayed over her cheek and nose (The blue dye was only temporary, and had long washed out the luscious blue to a sickly green colour), the teenager started thinking melancholy thoughts, losing herself, for a minute or two.

There was a knock on her bedroom door, and she knew of only one person who would be up at this hour.  
Rolling over, she looked at the crack in her doorway and nodded, indicating the person to come in.  
Temari pushed aside the sliding door and entered the girl's room, much to Hasame's surprise. She sat up and looked at the young woman in confusion, which developed to concern.

"Yes?" She asked, wondering if Temari had an issue to address to her.  
"Well, I was just…" Temari took the chair from Hasame's drawing desk and sat on it, neatly and precisely putting her hands on her crossed knees, "I was just thinking how we never get to talk much. The last time I remember we really talked," She laughed lightly, "Was…Well it must have been at least two years ago or something." Temari shrugged and looked up at Hasame. Hasame was looking at her blankly, eyes large in the dark room.

"It's funny; we live together, but never really get to talk, properly, if you get what I mean." Hasame nodded mutely, still slightly puzzled.

"Was there something you wanted to talk to me about suddenly at...?" She looked over at the clock, "2:17 am?"  
Temari winced at the time, then gave a contrite look. "I'm sorry. I just didn't feel like sleeping, and decided to see if you were up. I really haven't anything to talk about." After a moment of silence, she abruptly got up and shook her head, laughing.

"Ah, I'm silly at two in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow morning!" With that, she quickly scampered out of the room, muttering a 'goodnight' and closed Hasame's bedroom door.

The girl was left sitting on her bed for a few minutes longer, then she slowly laid back down and turned over, staring out at the sky.


	18. April 26th, 2009

April 26th, 2009

She sat in silence.

Trying to get to sleep.  
But she couldn't.  
There they were; creeping on her walls. Dragging across her floor. Dancing atop of her head on the ceiling. Reaching. Grabbing. Caressing. Touching her skin. Feeling her arms. Never hurting. No malicious intentions. But they were _touching_ her.

Hasame shuddered, determinedly staring at nothing. But she could see them everywhere. Those things. The shadows. The beings that could touch her, but she couldn't touch them. She tried.

This had been happening for days now.

These visions, these…these things.  
It started with tiny bugs crawling over her arms and skin. To knock them off, she started scratching at her skin, to be rid of the devilish things.

Unfortunately, the things wouldn't go away. They were seeping into her skin. And unfortunately….

Hasame could feel the gauze wrapped tightly around her left wrist. The scabs beneath the layers were itching and peeling with each small movement.

The scratching had gotten to the point where she could see the blood surfacing beneath the skin…and then it started. Open wounds. Albeit, they were small open wounds, but they still began to bleed.

She hid it as best as she could. Long sleeves, arm socks, sweaters. Even if she was boiling in the heat, she would keep her sleeves rolled down. She didn't want anyone asking. Occasionally, someone would see it sticking out of the cuff of her sleeve; Hasame would say she scratched it on something. It was partial truth. She did scratch it on something; her nails.

The more she thought about it, the more she tried to tell herself that none of it was real.

None of it was. It was all in her head. It was all in her head.

The power of the mind was absolutely blowing hers in the outfield right now. If they were in her mind, it meant they could mentally hurt her. Mentally touch and prod her. She couldn't touch them.

It gripped her head and twirled in her hair. Small legs, appendages scraping gently along her scalp and tickling behind her ears.

Panic, an undeniable panic, suddenly exploded and she gave a whimper, smacking at her head and combing her hair furiously. The thing dodged her hands and gripped her head tighter. A small pain shot through her temples and Hasame yelped in horror, grabbing her pillow and scrubbing her head furiously, until her scalp felt like it was on fire from the friction. Small quips of terror escaped her lips and she couldn't take it anymore. The things exploded on her skin, crawling everywhere. Worming into her ears and wrenching open her jaws and invading her mouth.

Her throat tightened up and Hasame felt the hot tears creep down her cheeks. Curling up in a tight ball on her bed, she cried out loud, scratching furiously at her head and arms. They were everywhere, and even though they weren't hurting her, they just were there, plaguing her privacy she so very well tried to keep.

The next thing she knew, a solid pair of hands gripped her arms and pulled her off the floor she didn't know she was on, onto her bed and held her tightly. Something warm and that wasn't fake or part of her imagination.

"G-g-god!" She finally managed to say, gripping clumsily at Gaara's hands, curling over them.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Hasame heard him say, and she shook her head vigorously. Just him being there was shaking the little things off, tossing them to the floor and withering away. Instantly, security enshrouded her entirely, smothering the little and large monsters. Shakily, she wiped her tears from her face, gulping for air. "Hasame??" He snapped, trying to look at her face, "What. Happened?"

She couldn't answer yet. Shaking something terrible, Hasame brought her knees up and gripped his arm securely, feeling the warmth against her cold cheek. He looked grimly at her, scared half to death by merely walking back from the bathroom to hear her shrieks of terror. This had happened three times in this week alone. And each time, Hasame would wordlessly say to wait, but then she'd fall asleep as he waited for her to calm down.

It was weird. If Hasame was ever scared of something, she'd get angry at it. She'd be silent and brooding about it. Almost never has she yelled aloud in true fear, panicked like a horse and flap about, scratching and swatting at the air.

During the day, she seemed fine. If not a bit more quiet than usual, and she always had a deer-caught-in-headlights look in her eyes. At times, he'd come in to the kitchen to see her standing there, as if her spine was a metal pole, straight back and eyes wide, staring at nothing. He'd clear his throat, and she'd jump, look at him, then seem to go back to normal.

He heard a scratching noise. Yanking on a fabric, then tearing. Looking around in confusion, he glanced down and saw Hasame staring with feared eyes at the door, but her hands were doing something else; they were tearing away at white gauze wrapped around her wrist, her hands trembling so much, they were having trouble taking it off. It was then that the scabs were pulled away, tiny droplets of blood swelling at the mere lack of gauze. Then, she started scratching. He stared in horror as the blood smeared over the white skin, soon becoming red with the irritation.

"Hasame!" Grabbing her hands, he pulled them away and gripped her chin, yanking it around to face him. Fear. A desperation sinking in her face. Her breathing was ragged somewhat, and he could see her calming down. "What the hell?!" Gaara shook her hands, and she winced. His fingers were gripping her scabby, bloody wrist.

Her lips trembled as she tried to talk, shaking her head slowly.

"I-II-I'm-" Her forehead wrinkled as the look of tears spilling from her eyes passed over, and she sobbed quietly once, hanging her head. "I-I-I'm s-sorryyyy-" She whined, "I-It's h-hurts." It hurts. Gaara looked at the unsightly wrist. It wasn't as bad as he first thought. The scratches were tiny, but a lot of them. Situated mainly in one spot, he noticed more on the other side of her arm. It almost looked like she had a rash on the inside of the tender skin, but looking closely, it was tiny scabs and peeling, dead skin.

Her sobs grew quiet and he heard her focus on her breathing, trying to slow it down. Inhale, exhale. Slower, deeper inhale, an even slower exhale. At least she wasn't panicking anymore.

"Hasame." He said more softly, looking at her face now. Hairs clung to her wet face, and he pushed them gently out of the way. The slight touch made her shudder abruptly, but she stopped once she realized it was him. Tentatively, she flickered up to look at him, down, around, back at him, around, then held to his face finally. Indeed, a certain calmness had fallen about her.

"I-I'm s-sorry…I must hav-have…woken you…" She said, her lips still shaking without her control. He shook his head.

"I was already awake. I just heard you." There was a moment of silence, and he asked, "What happened?...Did you have a nightmare?" She shook her head – but then stopped. And nodded. That was strange. Gaara frowned. "Did you?" This time, she nodded more firmly. That wasn't true. His intense stare made her look back at him, then away, glancing back at him. "It wasn't a nightmare." Hasame stared around, then shook her head.

"What's. Wrong."

"A lot."  
That answer surprised him. But he waited for her to continue. When she didn't, her teeth biting her bottom lip, he asked, "Like what?"

Hasame said nothing for a moment, then let out a strangled, nervous laugh.

"There's no way to put it subtly." She held her breath as she stared out at the room, "Like seeing things. Hearing things. Feeling things." Another deep exhale. "Stuff on my…on my skin…crawling on me…" She shook her head lightly, "I can't sleep. If I close my eyes, they'll swarm. If I leave my eyes open, I see them. Moving. Crawling. Getting closer. And even when I sleep…" He could feel her shoulders shudder, and left the rest of the sentence unanswered.

She was so tired. He could see this.

"How much sleep have you been getting?"  
She shook her head.

"I don't know. It feels like none, but I must be if I wake up."

Made sense.

Gaara sighed and rubbed her hand, glancing down at it.

"…Hasame, if I go, will you sleep?"  
She waited, then looked at him from the corner of her eye,

"Honestly?" He nodded, "….No. Probably not. But I'll try."

"What if I stay then?"  
Suddenly, she shook her head,

"I couldn't ask that of you. No no. It'd make me feel weird too; you sitting there on watch of nothing. And you'd never know when I was asleep."  
"I'd ask."  
"Sometimes I don't always answer."  
"Will you?"  
There was a pause.

"…Yes."  
"There we go then." He slid back to the edge of the bed, sitting against the wall comfortably. Hasame watched him nervously, not completely okay with this solution. But he wasn't going to budge. Slowly, after glancing around the dark room, Hasame slid under the blankets with caution, and wrapped them around her protectively, turning her back to the room. The window, and his face, was in her vision. Watching them until her begging eyelids closed, Hasame quickly fell asleep.


	19. April 27th, 2009

April 27th, 2009

Hasame was curled up on the chair, resting her head against the armrest. Her eyes were drooping from her exhaustion, though she had done nothing physically demanding that day.

It was only 12:36 pm. Middle of school. But here she was, at home. Dead tired.

Gaara entered the living room with two glasses of iced green tea and set one of the coffee table, sat down on the couch next to her and sipped his quietly, watching her.

"How are you feeling?"  
Hasame shrugged.

"Tired…mainly."  
Gaara gave a dishearten laugh, gulping again from the tea. He couldn't even taste it.

"I mean besides being tired. That's evident." There was a dry chuckle from Hasame this time.

"Just…My wrist hurts kind of. Just the scabs." Gaara took the moment to glance at the fresh gauze on her wrist. He nodded, waiting for her to continue, "And I feel bad…For making the kids having to go to the cafeteria to work….And my teacher all stressed – I mean, she's pregnant, she shouldn't have to deal with this kind of thing."

Gaara said nothing, maintaining the glass to his lips.

"I bet they were glad to get out of class for that while."

"Yeah right….I guess."

He heard a small bit from Hasame what had happened in school today.

It was almost the same thing from last night. Except it occurred in class, in front of people.

She was humiliated. And terrified.

"I bet they all think I'm on drugs or something…" Hasame mumbled apathetically, staring at the floor.

"Doesn't matter what they think, right?" Gaara said, looking at her. She didn't respond immediately.

"…Still. I'll get looks and such. Not like that's anything new but…I don't like drugs. Alcohol. None of that crap…Hate it…I just don't like to be thought of doing things that I absolutely hate."

He understood that. The red head glanced at the drink left untouched on the table.

"Drink, Hasame." It was an order. She had taken to not eating or drinking what was put in front of her. He had to pressure her into eating now; it didn't make him comfortable, ordering her around like that, but he had to. To keep her healthy. Or as healthy as he could muster her to be.

Hasame reached over dully and took the cold glass, drinking once, then put it back down.

There wasn't anymore talking after that.  
Gaara started thinking about her parents. Her parents didn't know about any of this.  
Imagine how shocking and terrible, and _frightening_ to hear your daughter, whom you knew had some problems now and then, would suddenly start shrieking and crying, scratching madly at her head and swatting at nothing, sobbing about things that were crawling and sinking under her skin. In the middle of class of all places.  
It would just be horrible.

Glancing back up after tracing the rim of his empty glass, Gaara noticed Hasame fast asleep. There were no wrinkles on her forehead, no tightness around her eyes. Utterly relaxed.

He sighed. Gaara was glad she was sleeping peacefully. All those nights of terrors. It was almost like comforting a child who had a nightmare.

He sat. And thought.

Flashes of the past came up in his mind, not really looking at the room, at Hasame, at anything.

Summer. Winter. School. Spring and autumn mostly fell under the category of school.

Her friends. Her sadness. The day she decided to be called Megan, and then a month or so later, wanted to be called Hasame. Indecisiveness. Confusion. Rage. Pain. Happiness.

_Gaara was smothering his face in his hands, his ears practically beet red, rocking back and forth from shaking with mirth. He couldn't stop. He just couldn't. Why was this way easier to do than scowl at people and glare? It felt way better than the killings he used to do. What would have happened to him if he had discovered this long ago? What would he have turned out to be if he had met her way before anything ever happened? He'd never know. Might as well enjoy it while it lasted.  
How long was this happiness going to last? It was going to end sometime. Something sad will happen. And it will stop. But it'll come again. Happiness always does._

He remembered her smacking Kankurou with the pillow. His eyes focused on Hasame again.

How long was this _sadness_ going to last? This…confusion. This terror.

Terror.  
Fear.  
Gaara frowned.  
That was a new emotion that had never really happened for a prolonged time in her life. It was always either anger, happiness or sadness. Fear was….it was different.

He looked at her again. His worry grew.

She shouldn't be scared. She had nothing to be. There was nothing hurting her or anything.

Gaara shifted, kicking his legs up on the couch, picking at dirt under his nails. It was annoying…and worrisome. Hasame…  
Tilting his head and adjusting the pillow at the base of his neck, he stared at the sleeping, paled face. Even paler than normal. Her lips that were normally a light pink, were almost colourless. Pasty looking.

She was sick. She wasn't eating. She wasn't sleeping properly. She was seeing things. She was hurting herself.  
Finally, adding it all up in his head, Gaara felt a shudder in his chest and turned over, unable to look at her anymore. It gripped him tightly, and he smothered his face into the couch, determined not to let it overtake him.

He was worried sick. Worried worried worried. He almost couldn't stand it.

9:20pm

Hasame woke with a violent start, crying out in shock. Eyes wide, she stared fearfully around, her eyes darting madly. Gaara jumped and looked at her with immediate concern, almost throwing the book at the table. He was halfway off the couch when she held up a shaking hand, panting. Wincing, she tenderly touched her bandaged wrist, winced at that, then put it down on her leg, calming her breathing.

"…Hasame." He said finally, stretching out a hand. She closed her eyes, wiped away tears that had gathered and sighed, gulping.

"Sorry. Nightmare." She managed to say after a moment of composing herself. Hasame sat straight, her knees locked together, hands firmly planted on her knees. Her knuckles cracked as she clenched them tightly. "My wrist hurts…" The girl mumbled, her lips barely moving.

"You okay?..." He asked tentatively, wanting very badly to help her, but she shook her head.

"I'm fine. Really." She insisted, and slowly, ever so slowly, eased back into the chair, curling up. He could hear her knees and elbows cracking with the movements. There was a long silence, and Hasame put her head gently on her knees, looking at Gaara.

"Hasame…how long has this been going on exactly?...." He asked quietly, watching her intently.

She stared at him as if she had not heard him, then said,

"I don't know…I haven't been eating properly for a week or ….no, over two weeks now…No, just under two weeks." The girl muttered, trying to sort out her thoughts, "And…I guess maybe Wednesday…Last week…Thursday, I panicked in the health room…But no one really saw." She looked so tired… "Friday…Friday was kinda bad…I couldn't sleep…Saturday and Sunday I was at a party…Had an attack there, but I managed to run to a bathroom and hide in there for the rest of the evening so no one noticed…Except for Natalie and Amber." She admitted, closing her eyes.

"Party?...You don't go to parties." She grimaced.

"I…Didn't know it was going to be so big…"  
"How many people?"  
"Thirty something."  
He stared at her. She nodded in dulled amazement.

"Yeah. I know. It was big…and noisy…I didn't know any of the people besides my own friends. I don't want to go into detail…I'm too tired. And too much happened…" Hasame sighed, opening her eyes again to look at Gaara. Her eyes were red and bloodshot. Grey, bloodshot eyes.

"And then….Monday…today…"

A pained look came across her face and she pulled her head away, grabbing at her bandages.

"Hasame-" He warned, but watched her carefully pulling away at the tape.

"Sorry. It's hurting. The gauze is just chaffing it. I need to give it air." Hasame explained, indicating she was sane of mind. He watched her carefully, ready to jump if she started scratching. As the gauze unraveled, he found himself staring at the scratches.

They looked positively awful. Worse than yesterday. Though the wounds were small, they looked infected and sore. Just the sight of an open wound directly across from the large artery made him cringe sadly.

"Don't say anything." She quietly begged, rolling up the gauze in a ball, not looking at him. "I know what it looks like. I did it." He said nothing and remained looking sadly at it, then at her. She sunk back into the chair. A long silence.

"I'm not going to school tomorrow…" She said, staring at the wall. He glanced at her. "Going to the hospital at 11."

"…Ah…"  
"It's not what you think. I'm just seeing a psychiatrist, seeing as the one I was seeing three weeks ago left on vacation." He frowned. Hasame, seeing a psychiatrist? And she didn't say the name with detest?  
"You were seeing a psychiatrist?" She nodded.

"Multiple reasons….I was…am…having a hard time with..the..With new year's eve-" He remembered, and wished he hadn't reminded her, "and about…a month later, met with her. But then we talked about other things. So yeah…"

She yawned and squinted uncomfortably at the wall, leaned forward and Hasame rested her head on her knees again, looking at Gaara in fatigue.

"Anyway…I have to go to the hospital to see her replacement. She says the woman is good, and briefly updated her on me."

He thought for a moment, then rubbed his jaw.

"Guess that's good." She nodded.

Again, he saw at how tired she was. It almost pained him at her exhaustion.

"Why don't you go to sleep?"

She shook her head.

"Nightmares…" Gaara looked at her.

"Hasame…Just try. I'll be here. I won't leave."  
She looked at him, a slight furrow in her brow. Her response was closing her eyes, shifting so her head was on the arm rest again.


	20. April 28th, 2009

April 28th, 2009

It was weird. She fell asleep at a decent time, a little after nine, and here she was, awake almost 12 hours later, feeling like she hadn't slept at all.  
It was that nightmare.  
It felt like she would close her eyes for a few seconds at night, be frightened out of her wits and force her eyes open, to be staring into a sunlit room.

Each morning, she woke with a jolt, sometimes crying out.

It scared her. Everything did. Waking up to be alone. Waking up after feeling like only seconds of rest. Waking up to face yet another day.

She felt a wetness on her arm and looked down at her wrist on the covers. Blood trickled down her wrist and collected in the blankets, seeping in and staining them.

She must have scratched it in the night.

Hasame returned with another round of bandages wound securely over her left wrist, entering her bedroom and halted.  
Something scurried across the floor, too fast for her blurry eyes to see.  
Instantly, her muscles tightened to the point of shaking slightly, wound up tight like a spring.  
There was no more noise, but she still didn't move.

There it was again. A different set of sounds though. Scraping. A dragging sound. Like rough cloth being pulled across the hardwood floors.

But the lights were on. She could see everything. There was nothing in her room.

No wait. Maybe it was beyond her vision, somewhere near the edges of the room. But she didn't dare turn. The patter of tiny, clicking steps hurried madly behind her, breezing past her ankles. Her heart pounded fiercely in her ribcage and she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the panic rise up again. Holding her accelerated breath, she felt fear clamp around her tightly, and she couldn't move.

_Pleasepleaseplease someone come in the room NOW someone come in NOW! _But no one came when she silently called.

The sounds were coming again, more at a time. It was like a frenzy, scurrying and climbing and skittering everywhere. Then, a cool hand caressed her calf, sliding down to her ankle and gently smoothed over her feet. Any other person would have enjoyed the relaxing touch, but she couldn't take that.

Crying out in terror, she kicked madly at whatever was holding her legs. Her foot connected with something, and it was sent flying into her door, smacking loudly. Now she was positive something was in her room. Opening her eyes, her breath was caught in her throat.

Bugs. Bugs and twisted skeletal shapes, worms, rotting hunks of flesh and masses of hair were coiling and chasing around, the tall tall shadow of a human risen to it's feet again from the base of her door. It stood at least 7 or 8 feet tall, wearing a stupid hat. It was just a hat, nothing more, and she couldn't distinguish any features on him, he was all black shadow. The things along her floor reacted at her final movement, and lurched at her. They attached to her skin and crawled up her legs, in her hair, under her shirt and finally reached her face. She couldn't even open her mouth to scream.  
Clapping a hand over her mouth and nose, she willed herself not to give them space to crawl in.  
But they were reaching for her ears. Snapping her other arm to her head, she curled around her head, hiding her ears from access.  
Tears spilled from her eyes as her heart raced, her lungs burning from the lack of oxygen.  
The long, tangled, dirty hair strung up her legs and around her feet, and she couldn't move. Worms wriggled frantically, digging in to the pores of her skin.  
She was getting dizzy, and her knees shook, locking together.  
She had to breathe. She had to breathe!  
Opening her hand, Hasame gasped horrendously, and inhaled the tiny things.  
The sensation of their tiny legs pricking the inside of her mouth and throat, crawling feverishly down into her lungs made her choke and cough.  
A scream rang in her ears and she gagged; the need to vomit out the creatures overwhelmed her and she almost did.

Sobbing, she tried to pull them off her, scratching at the worms still wriggling half out of her skin. It was too much; they were all over and she was outnumbered by a great degree. Chaos. Absolute, terrifying chaos.

Finally opening her eyes to a squint, she saw the tall man looming over her, arms outstretched with caressing hands to her. He touched her arms gently.

"GET AWAY! GETAWAYGETAWAY!" Hasame shrieked, kicking and flailing at him, swatting at the giant spiderlike thing on her head, but it gripped her tightly. A headache throbbed in her brain and she sobbed, unable to stand anymore. She couldn't even say 'help'.

The girl didn't hear him come in. She didn't hear him yelling at her over the screams. She found it was her that was screaming and stopped, groaning and shuddering. Everything was gone. The worms, the bugs, the shapes, the tall man. Everything disappeared. Shriveling up and dying, dropping the floor like rain would patter on a sidewalk.

"Hasame! Hasame, stop! There's nothing here!" Finally hearing him, Hasame didn't dare open her eyes but gripped him tightly, her breath heaving from her lungs. She stopped crying, but tears trickled from her eyelashes. Forcing herself to breathe properly, she heard other footsteps run into her room.

"Gaara! What happened?!" It was Temari.

"We heard screami- Is Hasame hurt?" Kankurou.

"No, everything's fine. It's okay."  
She knew he was saying it to them, but it felt like Gaara was directing it at her. And maybe he was.  
He was right. Everything was gone now. All that was left was her burning lungs and her skin that felt like it was on fire.

"Yeah right! What happened??" Temari demanded, reaching over to touch Hasame. The girl jumped and tensed, waiting for the touch again. But Temari looked at her with hurt.

"Hasame?..." The girl opened her wet eyes and peered at the blonde. It was just Temari. Her eyes stung again as she felt a sob rise up in her throat, tightening it.

She couldn't get rid of the images of those horrors out of her mind. Burned in her retinas. But she told herself that in front of her, right now, were her friends, people that cared about her. That would keep her safe.

"I-I'm s-sorry-" She choked, stretching out a hand and felt Temari take it, holding it gently in warm hands. Gaara didn't let go of her. And she was glad he didn't.

Hated it. She hated it. No peace when awake. No peace when sleeping. Everywhere. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.

She sat on her bed, wrapped up in the black sheet from Gaara's bed, holding a cup of hot chocolate while Gaara explained to his brother and sister (with Hasame's permission) what she was seeing and hearing. And feeling. Everything that was happening to her.

To be honest, she couldn't really hear them talking. She was staring into the contents of her hot, steaming drink. Hasame had only taken two sips of it, but was scared that the tiny bugs were in it. Every drink, she would slowly let it slide past her teeth, checking with her tongue for any lumps or legs.

There was a slight touch on her shoulder, and she jumped, the drink slopping on the blanket.

"I'm sorry!" She yelped, and put the mug down on the bedside table and was about to take off the blanket, but Gaara stopped her.

"We can wash it. It's okay."

She looked at him, then nodded, slowly grabbing her cup again with both hands. They kept her numb fingers warm.

"She hasn't seen a doctor yet?" Temari asked with concern, watching Hasame. Gaara shook his head.

"She's going to the hospital today though. Eleven, right?" He glanced at the girl, who nodded, not looking at any of them. Temari looked sad, staring at the bandages wrapped around the younger girl's wrist.

"How bad is it?..." She asked quietly, nodding at the wrist. Gaara looked over at it, then back at his sister.

"It's not too horrible. They're small scratches." Temari blinked.

"Scratches? Not cuts?" He shook his head again.

"No. She scratches. It's the only way she thinks to get them out of her skin. Anyway," He turned around to look at Hasame again, "She does know she has to put bandages on. She is aware that it hurts. So it's not like she doesn't feel anything. Except when it happens. During that time, she doesn't feel it. Which is why I don't think anyone should leave her alone." He eyed his siblings. They nodded, understanding completely after what they had seen for the first time this morning.

There was a gurgling, and they glanced around.

"Sorry." Came a mumble, and they looked at Hasame. She didn't react to her stomach grumbling loudly.

Temari reached over and hesitated, making sure Hasame could see her hand before touching her arm.

"Hasame, what do you want for breakfast?" The girl didn't respond at first, then shrugged.

"Not really…anything." She could still recall the feeling of the things crawling in her throat; the last thing she wanted right now was food traveling down after them.

"You have to…I'll make cereal." Temari firmly stated, then got up, trotting downstairs to the kitchen. There was silence as Hasame shakily attempted to sip the hot chocolate, taking a painfully slow drink.

Kankurou sighed.

"How long has this been happening again?"  
"Well…She said since last Wednesday night? It only really started being a sure thing on Thursday." Kankurou nodded silently, fiddling with his nails.

There was the thudding of feet and Temari appeared in the room, holding a bowl of cereal and a spoon. Carrying it over to Hasame, she took the mug out of her hands and replaced it with the cereal.

"Eat. Everything in this bowl, eat it." Hasame took it, and stared at it, then nodded.

"Thank you." Temari nodded and sat down on the bed again. The young woman made sure the girl ate at least four spoonfuls before turning back to Gaara.

"…Well...What do we do now?" She asked.

There was a silence except for the crunching of cereal.

"We all have work." Kankurou grumbled, scratching his head, thinking.

"It's alright," Gaara said suddenly, looking out the window to the Kazekage tower, "I'll take her with me. The office is rather boring, so it'll be nice to have company."  
"You sure? What if she has another attack again?" Temari reminded, and he pursed his lips.

"I'll be able to handle it. If not, then I can call medical staff. She doesn't seem to hurt others."

There was a clink of a spoon and they all saw Hasame put the bowl away on the table, grabbing the mug, drinking it with a gulp. Now she felt hungry.

"More?" It was as if Temari read her mind, and Hasame looked at her briefly, then nodded sheepishly.

Gaara and Hasame stayed at the house until 11, upon which Hasame said good bye for the afternoon and left for Canada. She didn't know how long she'd be gone.

Hours, and hours passed. It was 3 o'clock by the time Hasame came back, looking dead tired.

"Hey Hasame.." He greeted quietly, and she looked at him, yawning, covering her face with her long sleeves. She looked like she was swimming in the huge black zippered sweater.

"I hate hospitals…" She said tiredly, sitting down at the kitchen table with him, "I was waiting for two hours in the waiting room, and then like…another..two or something hours in a room…and then the doctor…was weird…And just…" She sighed and cradled her head, "Anyway…I got pills…" Hasame mumbled dejectedly, and produced the tiny bottle. Inside, were the most miniscule pills Gaara had ever seen.

"How many do you take a day and how many times? They're so tiny…What like, 3 a day?"  
Hasame shook her head.

"One a day." He looked at her, then back at the bottle. Taking it, he peered at them and shook the bottle.

"Must be strong stuff." He saw her nod dumbly out of the corner of his eye. Sighing, he handed them back to her.

"They're also sedatives. They're supposed to help me sleep too." She said, and he nodded. That would be a good thing.

"Well, you came by just in time. I just finished lunch-" Hasame looked at him. He stared back.

"What?"  
"You just finished lunch…at 3 pm?" He nodded. She gave him a stare that made him shrug.

"Sorry, I just didn't want to stop working until then. Want to come with me now? I have a couch in my office." She looked happy at the thought of a couch, and followed him out the door.

She immediately headed towards the couch, facing the inside of the room, the back against the large glass doors, a small platform with rusty railings looking out over the village. "Ooooh, how I have missed comfort…" She said happily, and rolled onto it, curling up in the fetal position and resting her head on the armrest.

Gaara looked after her, and sat at his desk, grabbing the scrolls he had put aside.

Finishing out the rest of the document, he glanced over at Hasame, who looked asleep.

"Hasame?"  
She moaned quietly, cracking open an eye.

"What time are you taking your pills at." She stared, then blinked her one eye.

"Wake me at 9 and I'll take them then." She mumbled, and wrapped her over-sized sweater around her tightly, closing her eyes again.

He gazed at her, completely ignoring his work. The sheer curtains he had installed recently fluttered gently in the hot desert wind, fingering the edge of the couch lovingly, trying to reach the sleeping girl on it, but they weren't long enough.

Trying to touch her face, caress the nightmares out of her head, wipe away the terrors of living.

It was when the room turned scarlet that he snapped out of his trance. Reds and oranges filled up his room, racing along the walls. The sun was setting, giving off it's usual breathtaking descent.

He couldn't focus. He didn't get anything done. It didn't matter now. Sighing, he started to put away his things. Glancing at the clock, he saw the hands pointing to 8:42.

Getting up and walking over to the door, he poked his head out.

Calling one of the guards that usually were situated near his office, he asked one of them to fetch a glass of water.

Pulling back in, he walked over silently to Hasame, kneeling down near her face.

Her warm breath washed over his face, smelling of mint. She must have brushed her teeth recently. He sighed inwardly and put his face on the edge of the cushion, near her hand put up close to her visage.

She looked peaceful. Occasionally, her leg would twitch or her hand, and she looked in pain, but it passed.

There was a gentle knock and Gaara got up and opened the door. The guard silently handed him the glass and the Kage nodded a silent thank you, pulling the door shut.

Sitting back down near Hasame, he gently shook her shoulder. She didn't wake. Shaking it again, she grumbled and opened an eye.

"It's almost nine." The girl sighed and sat up groggily, taking the glass. Reaching in her pocket, she produced the pills and opened the bottle expertly, grabbing the tiny pill. It looked no bigger than the nail on his pinky finger. Possibly smaller. She downed in quickly, and put the bottle back in her pocket.

"Thanks." She said thickly, closing her eyes before her head hit the couch.

He watched her for what seemed like the longest time and didn't have the heart to move her.


	21. April 29th, 2009

April 29th, 2009

Gaara heard shuffling and looked up from his bed to see Hasame stumble into the bathroom and shut the door. He glanced at the clock: 8:45 am.

She came back out and passed by his bedroom, then closed the door to her bedroom. He blinked, but shook his head. Guess she was sleeping in some more.

Nine fifty two came around, and Hasame arrived in the kitchen, greeting Gaara this time with a half-hearted wave. He was waved back.

"I thought you were up earlier," He stated and she nodded, looking in the fridge.

"I was. But I needed more sleep. The pills…Must be them…I'm still so tired." The girl mumbled and wandered out of the kitchen. He polished off the coffee, and picked up the newspaper and followed her. She had collapsed on the couch, curled up on two cushions, fast asleep again.

He blinked at her again. Looked like she really was tired.

By the time twelve nineteen arrived, Hasame sat up and yawned, rubbing her face.

Gaara watched her arrange herself on the couch, sitting properly and look around.

"Morning?" He said, and she looked at him, one eye still closed.

"Hi." Hasame muttered, and yawned again, "Mmm…I want food…"  
"Well, that's good." He said and stood up, indicating for her to follow, "I haven't had lunch yet. We can have it together."  
Hasame nodded and trudged after him, "Sounds good."

It was quiet while they fixed themselves sandwiches (Hasame wanted a salad, she had been eating almost nothing but them). He watched her carefully the entire time as they walked back into the living room, Hasame silently munching on her crunchy salad.

He could feel it too.  
That anticipation. Waiting for something to happen.

He could only imagine what it was like for her right now.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Very much uneventful.

She was tired all day. It was as if none of the sleep she had gotten had even happened. Her mood was rather blank and flat, no extreme emotions.

It made him sad.

Sitting across from her in the living room in the plush chairs, he glanced up at her from time to time from his Sudoku puzzle, just to see what she was doing. And each time, he saw her sitting quietly, sometimes looking out the window, sometimes staring at her feet or the floor.

By the time 9 o'clock came around, she had dutifully taken the pills and bid him goodnight.

He was left standing at the base of the stairs, re-playing her mounting them and waving goodnight at him.

Temari peered at him from the kitchen and walked quietly towards him, glancing up the stairs.

"She's pretty dead, isn't she?" The young woman commented, and Gaara sighed, hanging his head and followed up after her. "What're you doing?"  
"Going to bed."  
Temari watched him disappear to the upper landing and turned away.


	22. May 3rd, 2009

May 3, 2009

He watched her do her daily things. Eat breakfast (she looked slightly ill at the prospect of eating, but consumed it hungrily), clean her room, draw for hours, eat dinner, disappeared to go back to Canada briefly, and then arrived around 9pm.

She looked tired. Shadows under her eyes and overall uninterested in everything. She kept quiet a lot, barely laughed (and when she did, it was hollow), and all the while, Gaara felt a foreboding sinking in his stomach.

And here he was, standing in the kitchen, holding the small prescription bottle filled with her pills. The small white circles. The little emotion killers.

For a split second, he felt like chucking the entire bottle out the window.

But he couldn't. And he knew that.

If Hasame didn't have the pills, she would start panicking. She'd start screaming. She'd start crying.

All because of these imaginary things she saw.

A wave of realization crashed into him like a tsunami, and he gripped the bottle, putting it shakily back on the countertop. Five times he slammed his fist on the countertop, resisting the urge to yell at the pills, blame them to high heavens. Blame them for making Hasame so lifeless and so…so…so calm and neutral. So empty. So…without emotion. Blame them for their only existence to make sure Hasame never fell of the edge.

He hated them. He hated them and wanted to crush every little bit.

But at the same time, he had to accept them.

With them, Hasame was no longer scared.

Well…he didn't know if she was scared or not, but she never started crying out and swatting at things and scratching madly.

"Gaara?" He looked up quickly to see Hasame standing in the door way, a hand resting on the frame, "What're you doing?"  
He blinked and stood up, back straight and looked down at the pills. Taking them slowly, he handed the bottle to her.

"It's time, isn't it?"  
She nodded and popped open the cap, taking out two pills.  
Wait.  
Two?  
Gaara quickly said, "Hold on, why are you taking two?" He covered her hand before she could toss them in her mouth, gripping it tightly.

Hasame winced at his grip and looked at him.

"Mom said I have to take two now. I had another..a few..I guess…I saw them and got scared and …and I panicked…" Gaara glanced down at her wrist. The bandages no longer were needed to be worn because the wounds were healing, but they looked fresh, sore, red. All blood drained from his face.

He couldn't take this anymore. It had only been a week, but now…But now it really hit him.  
This was not just a little bump in Hasame's life.  
This was possibly a permanent thing.

Hasame might have to take these pills for the rest of her life.  
Might.  
If he could barely take this ordeal, he could only imagine what Hasame was thinking. How she was handling it.

"Gaara," He opened his eyes he didn't know were clenched shut and looked at the girl. A blank face met his, "Ow. Hand." Gaara let go of her hand quickly and hid the bunched up fist behind his back. She took the small pills and put them on her tongue, then grabbed a glass, filling it with water, and gulped down the water, pills and all.

Now…More than ever…He wanted to…

Tell her it will be okay.  
Everything will be fine.  
Tell her that it'll pass.  
That everything will be okay in the end.

But he couldn't.  
Because he didn't believe that.

All he could do was…was…

He didn't know what he was doing, but grabbing her and pulling her close was what he did.

Shield her.

Enshroud her.

Protect her.  
Anything.  
Because he could do nothing to help her.  
Not at all.

"Gaara, what're you-"

His grip was shuddering, she felt it. Slowly though, she dropped the nagging question of 'Why?' and reached up, holding him around the torso.


	23. May 5th, 2009

May 5, 2009

'The next time she visits, I'll really talk to her.' Gaara decided, nodding to himself as he paced in the kitchen, sometimes adjusting the cooking tools, and then rearranging things in the cupboards.

It was then that he noticed he was cleaning out the fridge that the redhead abruptly stood up and shoved everything back into it.

Though she had visited him almost every day, it felt like they hadn't really spoken a lot.

It made him feel terribly lonely.

"Were you just…" Gaara looked up and stared at Hasame, looking at the fridge, "Cleaning out the refrigerator?"

Gaara looked at her, then back at the fridge, then back at her.

"Maybe."  
She grinned.

He grinned back.

She walked over and pulled out two mugs from the cupboards.

"Tea?"

She arched her back in the chair, and multiple, audible cracks could be heard. Hasame cringed and relaxed, twisting side ways in her seat.

"Ah, jeez, ow." She mumbled to herself and sat back down, curling her feet under her.

Gaara snorted and sipped his tea, watching her.

As she reached for her mug taking residence on the coffee table, he noticed new bandages on her wrist.

"I thought you had pills?"  
Hasame looked up, confused.

"I do…what?" She followed his gaze and sighed at the bandages on her wrist. There was a stain on the inner part.

"It…Yeah…I mean-"  
"Hasame, are you still seeing things?"

She looked at him, almost helplessly. The girl paused, then slowly nodded.

"I always have. I mean, the pills, they don't work like that. They don't get rid of them. I just don't panic. I just…They…"

Gaara frowned, feeling that urge to be of help but knowing he very well couldn't.

"Didn't you increase your intake?"  
Hasame nodded.

"……" Gaara sighed and buried his face in his hands after he put his cup down.

"I don't want to tell mom or dad." He heard her mumble and looked up in shock. "I don't want to increase my dosage either. I hate taking the stupid things…"

So she felt the same as he did.

"You have to, Hasame. You kno-"

"I know, I know. They're helping me get better. But what if they're not?" She interrupted, looking at him desperately, "What if they're just covering it up? They're not the cure! They're not fixing the root of the problem. They're just…They're just band-aiding it!" Her face grew red with frustration and suddenly stopped talking, curling up in a ball in the chair.

Gaara sat on the couch, looking at her. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to act. Not knowing how to help.

"I miss grade 9….."

There was silence in the living room.

"It was so……………Simple."


	24. May 8th, 2009

May 8th, 2009

Hasame sat silently in the bathroom stall, fiddling with her fingernails, staring at the blue stall door. The paint was peeling, and there were graffiti all over the walls.

She could hear the distant voice of the principal and the cheering of over 1000 students just a bit outside of the bathroom.

She was doing something she never thought she'd ever do, or even accomplish: skipping.

But then again, she wasn't skipping anything important. It was only an assembly for honour rolls; something she definitely wasn't on.

The teenager sighed inwardly and blinked slowly.

She had just come back from an appointment with the doctor. Given even more pills, Hasame heard the bottle shake in her pocket.

Friday.  
It was Friday.  
She just had to get through today and that would be it.

Glancing at her iPod, she read the time: 10:07 am.

4 more hours.  
Only four more hours and she could go home.  
She could work on her ISU tasks and be done with it.

She could relax, take off the stupid polo shirt and dress pants and get into comfortable clothes.

Now, the more she thought about it, the more impatient she grew.

Closing her eyes, she tried to think of something else.

Instead, her mind traveled back to school the day before.

It was getting worse, people in her auto class.

Thing is, a lot of the guys were picking on her for being the only female in an all male, auto mechanics class. It escalated to where the Vice Principals had to be involved. They commented on her breasts, and made crude jokes about her, and to her.

Unimaginable things that she even hated to repeat herself.

However….  
The day before, she had another small panic attack right in the middle of class. Something she had been wanting to avoid ever since the hallucinations happened.

Then, yesterday, while she was working in a small part of the classroom, shut off from the garage, there was loud rapping on the glass. Looking up, Hasame was met with three or four boys laughing, and then started to rock back and forth, gripping their arms as if in a straight jacket.  
It took her a second to realize that they were mocking her.

Frowning, she turned away and continued with her work. Or tried to. More knocking. It was getting irritable, so she turned around anyway. This time, they were pretending to cut their wrists, their faces pulled in a grotesque, anguish filled look. Hasame glanced down to her bandaged up wrist. Staring at them, she watched them take a cord, put it around one of the boys' neck and pretended to hang himself, laughing.

That got to her.  
Biting her lip, she glared at them one last time, and turned away. The rapping on the glass continued, but she didn't turn around. Not again.

The boys were not from her auto mechanics class. They were from the carpentry class _next door_. So. Word had gotten around that fast.

If they were going to make fun of her mental instability, then so be it.

Now, however, Hasame would have to face them again today.

She just hoped that they would not disrupt her work again.


	25. May 11th, 2009

May 11th, 2009

She was sitting at home.

In the middle of a school day.

And there, she sighed and watched tv in disdain.

Something new had happened.

Not necessarily good.

She was hearing things.

Voices.  
Many of them.

Crowds of people yelling, whispering, at her, telling her horrid things.

To kill herself.  
To kill others.  
She was worthless. She was stupid. She would fail school. Her friends didn't like her. In fact, they hated her. That she would be made to feel like a complication in their lives.

That her parents were sick of always having to take care of her. That when she called her mother, they spoke in her ears that her mother was sighing and packing her bags, wishing she wouldn't have to pick up her insane daughter.

Hasame slapped at her ears, plugged them, rubbing the inside to rid of the voices. But it took her almost half an hour in absolute silence to realize the voices were in her head.

And when she did, fear spiked up her throat.

It scared her. It scared her that these voices were happening. That they were saying these terrible things. That these voices were a subconscious of her brain, and that she had these thoughts.

She tried drowning out the voices by blasting music, covering her face with a hood and smothering any outside noise. But it wasn't working.  
Tears had welled up, and before she tried yelling to get rid of them, Natalie touched her arm and got her attention.

And she went to the health room. And the principal called her parents. And her mother took her home.

And Hasame….was tired. Too tired.

Gaara watched her out of the corner of his eye as they watched television.

He had met Hasame's mother finally. After four years of being Hasame's friend, he felt it strange to meet the woman face to face who had given birth to the girl.  
She was a curvy, heavyset woman with flaming red hair and bright blue eyes; much like Hasame's. A strong woman, Gaara figured that's where Hasame's stubborn pride came from.

With the handshake, Gaara looked down at the mother and felt as if she was thanking him for being there. For being her daughter's friend.

Hasame stood up and walked out of sight abruptly, but Gaara had gotten used to this. She had done it at least four times in the past two hours.

She came back, this time wearing a sweater and sat down beside him, curling up in a ball.

"Cold?"  
The girl nodded sheepishly.


	26. May 26th, 2009

May 26th, 2009

Blinking her eyes, she noticed that it was bright out. Quite bright. Looking around at the clock, she stared at the LCD display. 5:35am.  
This had been the 6th time all week. Waking up at ridiculously early hours.

Giving a light groan, she rolled out of bed and sat up, ruffling her messy hair.

Anime north had come and gone. It was a rather tame convention, compared to all her other ones. But that was good.

Shane had come with her this time and it was ….  
She grinned at the thought and shook her head, rubbing her face so that the smile disappeared.

Weird.

She was on new pills. Hasame looked at the tiny bottle and poured out two of them, tossing them down with water. They didn't do anything different than the olanzapene. The seroquel actually was recommended for her as a teenager, so that she wouldn't have weight gain as a side effect. However, it would make her incredibly drowsy.

Hasame leaned on the countertop, caressing her long bangs. They were a light aqua blue now, being that she had to dye her hair for her cosplay as Konan for Anime North.

Twirling the strands through her fingers, she noticed her skin pigment and looked at it with a frown. Her skin was slightly yellow.  
She always had a warm skin tone, a slightly pinkish pigment. Now it looked yellowy.  
Strange.

The girl stretched and walked over to the shower. Today was her second day of school. Yesterday, she had attended the education building with must disdain. Having dropped her French class and her auto mechanics class, she now only had to go to two classes per day. The other spare ones were just empty time that she had to be creative to pass the time. It was a very boring school day. And she felt like she was just wasting her day away.

Turning on the taps with her left hand, she heard the water begin to stream down loudly, heat radiating off the liquid. Undressing awkwardly, she looked at her right hand with a sigh. Yesterday she had grabbed a studio lamp while adjusting it for photography, and had burned her hand. Looking at the miniscule spots, she twitched her lip. It wasn't so much burnt as it was melted. Her skin has five clear indents where the heat had sunk in and cavities made themselves in her flesh. It burned for a while after the incident, but now it would only sting occasionally. However, hot water would send it burning again. Naturally.

Depressed. She felt that. Only her second day, and she dreaded going to school. Merely because there was nothing there for her anymore.

Friends were drifting away. Because she hadn't been there for a long while. They had moved from their regular lunch spot to some place else that she didn't know about.  
But that didn't bother her.

When she came to school that morning, they only waved and turned back to the people they were chatting to. As if she had never left.

But that didn't bother her either.

No, nothing really bothered her. It just….depressed her.  
And she didn't like to use that word lightly.

Hasame stepped out from the steam, grabbing the towel and rubbing her hair furiously. She had no idea why she just took a shower so early. She had just had one last night. Glancing up at drying her arms, she spotted the mirror. And she stared.

Her eyes bored into her own, glaring at her in distaste. In disgust. Hate?  
Quickly, she looked away and grimaced, wrapping the towel around herself.

She couldn't even do that….  
Hasame grabbed her clothes and started changing into them, slipping on the underwear.

She couldn't even look in a mirror….  
Buttoning up her shirt, she grabbed a brush and combed it quickly through the shaggy wet hair.

Not even for ten seconds…

Heaving a sigh, she gave her hair one last rub with the towel and hung it up behind the door, putting the mat back on the edge of the bathtub and left the haze from the shower.

She couldn't stand being in her own presence…

Her brother and mother had begun to stir.

School would begin in an hour.

She packed her bag.

11:48am

Though the wind caused the air to be a bit chilly, Hasame lay very still on the grass slope, eyes closed; allowing the sun that normally was her enemy to heat up her frozen skin. Goosebumps erupted gently over her exposed hands and neck.

She had eaten a cereal bar and a few cucumbers for her lunch; in other words, all that she had packed because her mother had told her to at least 'bring something'. So she did.  
Her mouth was parched, and she regretted not bringing at least a dollar to buy a drink.

"Ah well…" She muttered to herself, "It's not like I had any money to bring anyway…"  
Leaning her head to the side, she cracked open an eye to see the grass. There were three students sitting just a little ways away, watching her. Blinking, she opened her eyes wider. They _were_ staring at her. Sitting up abruptly, she curled up in a ball, pretending not to notice them. Having her headphones in her ears, she couldn't hear them, but she peeked at them through her hairs. Indeed, they were looking at her. As quick as possible, she scrambled to her feet, slipping on the grass and grabbed her bag, marching up the hill and away. For some reason, it ruffled her feathers that people stared at her sleeping. Or at least trying to.

Glancing back, she saw two of them turn and watch her walk up to the entrance of the school, reaching over and laughing to each other. She had no idea what they could possibly be saying, but it wasn't very kind.

Students swarmed. She got lost in the many bodies, pushing and shoving their way to get to class. Looking at her feet, she felt her hair brush against her face and cheeks, tickling the back of her neck as she made her way to….she didn't know where. She had no class, so where could she go….  
Hasame didn't care. She just kept on walking.

Walking and walking. Up the stairs. Walking. Being bustled and bumped into, swore at for taking too long. But she didn't hear them. It was static.  
So quiet….  
It had been a while, but her head was quiet…  
No thoughts.

No troubles…  
Besides one tiny little one.  
It wasn't so much a trouble as it was…a notion.  
An idea.  
A little feeling.

Something.


End file.
